NFL Week 10 Picks: Ten Top-10 Lists of Random Things

Week 10 is here.  Here are 10 top-10 lists of random things:

10 Questions for the Rest of the NFL Season

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  1. Who’s the best team in the NFL?  Is it the Rams?  Yes?  Is it the Saints? Probably?  Is it the Chiefs? Possibly?  Is it the Patriots? Maybe?
  2. Which teams are we sleeping on?  It’s the Panthers, Vikings, Steelers, and Eagles.  They CAN all win the Super Bowl.  They’re the four teams that can do it besides the Rams, Saints, Chiefs, and Patriots.  Am I missing anyone else?
  3. Is Le’veon Bell coming back this season?  Why hasn’t Le’veon fired his agent?  How the hell does he still have a job?  They couldn’t have played this any worse.  Remember when Elvis Dumerville’s agent fucked up?  This is about 1000000 times worse.  Do the Steelers even want him back?  I’m sure they would like to have him back on the field, but at this point you just have to say, “Fuck you, Le’veon. We’re in first place without you, and we love James Connor.”
  4. Why hasn’t Jason Garrett been fired?  Seriously, what else does he need to do to get fired?  What does he have on Jerry Jones?  Maybe a possible sex tape?  It doesn’t pass the smell test.
  5. Who’s going to win the NFC East?  The Redskins are 5-3 and in first place of the division.  The Eagles are just a game back and the Cowboys traded a possible top ten pick for Amari Cooper.  Fly Eagles, fly.
  6. Who’s the MVP?  The top three odds according to BetOnline are:
    1. Patrick Mahomes
    2. Todd Gurley
    3. Drew Brees
  7. What team is going to suffer a crucial injury?  Will they be able to survive it?  Hopefully no one, but it’s football and it happens every year.  The Eagles lost Carson Wentz last year, but Big D*** Nick came in and slapped his balls on the table and took the Eagles to the Super Bowl.
  8. Who’s going to get the first pick in the draft?  The tanks are starting to roll, but what are teams in need of a QB going to do?  The 2019 QB Draft Class looks worse than the 2007 NFL QB Draft Class.
  9. Which trade deadline player will have the biggest impact?  Golden Tate?  Dante Fowler?  Demayrius Thomas?  None of the above?
  10. Fake first half teams?  Who flames out for the second half of the season?  The Chargers?  The Texans?  The Packers?

Top 10 WRs in the League

  1. Antonio Brown
  2. Julio Jones
  3. Deandre Hopkins
  4. Odell Beckham
  5. Michael Thomas (you can honestly shuffle these TOP 5 guys in any order right now)
  6. AJ Green
  7. Adam Theilen (feels too low)
  8. Mike Evans (feels too high)
  9. Devante Adams
  10. Tyreke Hill

Top 10 NFL Coaches to Get Fired

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  1. Hue Jackson-  I refuse to believe he’s actually fired.
  2. Jason Garrett-  He has a SEX TAPE on Jerry Jones.
  3. Mike McCarthy-  If he doesn’t get fired this off-season, I will eat dog food.
  4. Vance Joseph- 100% getting fired at the end of the season.  John Elway should get fired too.
  5. Dirk Koetter-  Not sure how he’s still a NFL coach.
  6. Sean McDermott- Why do people even take the Bills job?  It’s a death sentence.
  7. John Harbaugh-  Somehow on the hot seat?
  8. Todd Bowles- What’s he supposed to do with that roster?
  9. Jon Gruden-  I’m actually loving Part II of the Gruden run.
  10. Doug Marrone-  My SNEAAAAAKY coach to get fired pick.

Top 10 Future Bets

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  1. Duke Basketball to win the Final Four +500.  They have the first three picks in next year’s NBA Draft on their roster right now.  I feel comfortable with this pick.  It’s too good to be true.  If they lose, I won’t even be upset about it.  The most talented team lost, oh well.  It comes down to this:  would you be more upset with yourself if you lost this bet or if you didn’t make this bet and Duke won?  Exactly.  Just take Duke at +500; it’s honestly too good to pass up.  By the way, the last time I put in a Duke future bet, I cashed in on the 2015 National Championship Team.
  2. Boston Celtics to win the Eastern Conference +150.  They’re still the best team in the East and they have the best coach in the East.  It’s early, but they’ll figure everything out.  It’s your chance to jump on it now.  I’m also very tempted to take Kyrie MVP odds at +4000.
  3. Warriors to win the NBA Championship -165.  $165 to win $100.  Shouldn’t we all take this bet?  The Warriors are going to win this year unless something CRAZY happens, as in DURANT AND CURRY get hurt.  Risk $1650 to win $1000?
  4. Kyler Murray to win the Heisman +600.  Tua pretty much has the Heisman wrapped up at -1000 BUUUUUUUUUUUUT look at Alabama’s schedule: home vs (18) MS State, home vs Auburn, AT (6) Georgia, and probably the SEC Championship game.  Let’s say Alabama drops one of those games OR Tua struggles in two of those games OR *knock on wood* he gets hurt.  Remember Dennis Dixon?  It happened to him; he had that Heisman wrapped up and under his Christmas tree before he got hurt.  Murray’s going to put up MONSTER numbers in the next three weeks in the BIG12.  He has a perfect Heisman moment opportunity vs West Virgina in the last regular season game.  And if they win that game and Oklahoma wins the BIG 12 to make it to the College Playoffs….I can totally see all this happening.
  5. Lakers to win the NBA Championship +3200. HAHAH I KNOW BUT HEAR ME OUT.  Let’s say Durant or Steph gets hurt. They’ve had tremendous luck for the past four-five years. Maybe they’re due?  Or let’s say Draymond gets hurt or two of their big four get hurt?  Or Boogie destroys the team mojo when he gets back.  And let’s say the Lakers swap Lonzo, KCP, and a couple of future firsts for Damian Lillard at the deadline.  OR the Pelicans completely fall apart and AD forces his way to Los Angeles.  IT’S CRAZY BUT IT CAN FUCKIN HAPPEN.  THERE’S A CHANCE HERE THE LAKERS CAN WIN THE FINALS (don’t take this bet)!!!!
  6. Panthers to win the Super Bowl +2000 AND Cam Newton to win MVP +2500.  I just don’t understand.  Those seem WAY off, right?  Can I parlay these two together?  Wait a minute………hold that thought.  ***UPDATE:  JUST KIDDING!!!! WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO THE PANTHERS LAST NIGHT?!?!***
  7. Clemson to win the National Championship +400.  Clemson has a chance to knock off Alabama.  Right now, it’s Alabama/Clemson and the entire NCAA.  Let’s say you don’t think they can.  You think there’s no way this Alabama team loses.  Why not sprinkle some money on Clemson here and hedge your bet vs Clemson?  I don’t believe in hedging; I think it’s a cop out.  I think you should always RIDE YOUR FUTURES OUT, but you have options here.  I can totally see Clemson’s line causing havoc and Trevor Lawrence balling out vs Bama.  That Clemson team isn’t scared of Alabama, and DABO knows he can beat Bama.  Alright before you read on, take a deep breath…you might pass out and we might become millionaires.  CAN WE PARLAY PANTHERS SUPER BOWL – CAM MVP – CLEMSON NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP?!?!  Hold on, I just did the math- it’s $100 to win $272,900?!?!?!  Be right back, I need to call my financial adviser.
  8. Tiger Woods -220 vs Phil Mickelson.  Tiger’s not losing this matchup, just no fuckin way.  Full Alpha Mode Tiger Woods would kill Phil before he loses to him.
  9. Harry and Meghan weight of first child at birth over 8.5 lbs +130.  This is an actual bet offered on Bovada right now.  The average baby weighs 7.8 lbs at birth.  The new royal babies were born weighing 8.6 lbs, 8.3 lbs, and 8.7 lbs.  The newest addition to the family is also the heaviest royal baby to be born in recent years.  Prince William was only 7.2 lbs and Harry was only 6.14 lbs.  You don’t think little bro Harry wants his baby to weigh more than his brother’s babies?!?  That baby is going to be EATING. I’m going with the over. C’mon you fat f***!!!!!!!
  10. Lavar – Kanye 2020 +500.  +500?!?!?! We are all screwed.  Just kidding, totally made that up, but you believed it huh?

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Top 10 NBA City Jerseys (as of November 7)

  1. Miami Heat

2. Denver Nuggets

3. Brooklyn Nets

4. Chicago Bulls

5. Minnesota Timberwolves

6. Washington Wizards

7. Milwuakee Bucks

8. Charlotte Hornets

9. Philadelphia 76ers

10. Detroit Pistons

UPDATE:  I HATE THE LAKERS JERSEY.


Top 10 Fast Food Items

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  1. In-N-Out Double Double with Grilled Onion (whole)
  2. Chick-Fil-A Spicy Chicken Deluxe Sandwich
  3. Chick-Fil- A Spicy Chicken Strips
  4. Chipotle Bowl
  5. Canes Box Combo
  6. Del Taco Chicken Soft Tacos
  7. Popeyes Spicy Chicken
  8. Subway Chocolate Chip Cookies
  9. McFlurry with Extra Oreos
  10. Wendy’s Chili

Top 10 Underrated Things in Life, in No Particular Order

  1. Waking up without a hangover.  This one might be a little over hyped now, but seriously, is there a better feeling?  This feeling will always be underrated and under-appreciated.  You never appreciate these mornings like you really should.
  2. Not going out on Friday night.  I just worked a full work week and all I want to do on Friday night is go to sleep.  I’m getting way too old.
  3. Rita Ora.  Seriously so underrated.  My top 5 Rita Ora songs:
    1. Your Song
    2. I Will Never Let You Down
    3. Let You Love Me
    4. Anywhere
    5. How We Do (Party)
  4. Chili from Wendy’s.  Don’t knock it til you try it.
  5. Hitting a sports bet EARLY.  Hitting a bet early in the 2nd quarter is an amazing feeling.  There’s no one smarter than you at that moment.
  6. Twitter. I don’t know how people live without Twitter.
  7. Uber.  Can you imagine life without Uber right now?
  8. Venmo. How did people split bills before Venmo?
  9. Wireless headphones. We’re so God damn spoiled.
  10. Devastating sports losses.  It sucks, but everyone needs to go through it.  You need to go through a couple of devastating losses in order to truly appreciate the championships.

Top 10 Overrated Things in Life, in No Particular Order

  1. Marcus Peters.  I’M KIDDING!  I BELIEVE IN YOU MARCUS!
  2. Avocados.  They’re good, but they’re not THAT GOOD.
  3. Instagram.
  4. Fantasy football “experts”.  Anyone that watches football can be a fantasy football expert.  I could be a damn fantasy football expert if I wanted to.  It’s really not that hard.
  5. New Year’s Eve.  Just another night out with 10 times the expectation.  NYE is always over-hyped for no damn reason.
  6. Turkey.  Ham > turkey.
  7. PAC 12.  I shouldn’t even include them in this because the PAC12 isn’t even rated.  The last PAC12 NCAAF Championship? 2004.  The last PAC12 NCAAB Championship?  1997.  I AM EMBARRASSED.
  8. Game of Thrones. Sucks.  Overrated.  Nerds
  9. Tom Brady “Super Bowl/Clutch Performance” talk.”  What is Brady’s Super Bowl moment?  Here’s what jumps out at me from Brady’s Super Bowl wins:
    • 2002: Tuck rule. Shouldn’t have made the Super Bowl.  16/27 for 145 yards and 1 TD…ok? Vinateri winning FG.
    • 2004: Vinateri winning FG.
    • 2005: Deion Branch game and TO coming back from a broken leg game.
    • 2015:  Seahawks blew it.
    • 2017:  Falcons blew it.

WHERE IS Brady’s Super Bowl/career iconic MOMENT?!?!  Is it the comeback vs the Falcons?  That’s more of a Falcons moment than a Brady moment, right?

AFP C0 BACKHIT PATRIOTS 21 NFL AMERICAN FOOTBALL USA MA
New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady (C) takes a hit from Charles Woodson (R) of the Oakland Raiders on a pass attempt in the last two minutes of the game in their AFC playoff 19 January 2002 in Foxboro, Massachusetts. The Patriots won 16-13 in overtime. AFP PHOTO/Matt CAMPBELL ORG XMIT: BOS017

10. Boston Celtics.  ONE title in the last 31 years.


Top 10 Pieces of Advice from How to Be a Man, in No Particular Order

  1. Never stay out after midnight three nights in a row … unless something really good comes up on the third night.
  2. Join Twitter; become your own curator of information.
  3. Never date an ex of your friend.
  4. When the bartender asks, you should already know what you want to drink.
  5. People are tired of you being the funny, drunk guy.
  6. You probably use your cell phone too often and at the wrong moments.
  7. Staying angry is a waste of energy.
  8. Ignore the boos. They usually come from the cheap seats.
  9. Don’t gamble if losing $100 is going to piss you off.
  10. Start every cell conversation with ‘my phone’s about to die’ so people don’t waste your time.
  11. You don’t have to like baseball, but you should understand the concept of what a pitcher’s ERA means. Approach life similarly.

Top 10 Instagram Girls to Follow, According to @nolanimamura

  1. Helen Owen
  2. Sofia Jamora
  3. Dominique Elissa
  4. Hailey Baldwin
  5. Camila Morrone
  6. Anna Herrin
  7. Hannah Palmer
  8. Roosmarijn de Kok
  9. Olivia Culpo
  10. Danielle Grace

Whew, that was tough.  My picks for Week 10 in bold:

Lions (+6) at Bears

Taking the Bears here is a sucker’s pick and I”ll tell you why.

Reason 1:  Look at the Bears’ wins this season:  Seahawks, Cardinals, Bucs, Jets, and Bills!  They have a combined record of 14-28.

Reason 2:  IF the Bears do take care of business, this has all the makings for a back-door cover game.

Reason 3:  Mitchell Trubisky.  I’m taking the Lions +6.

Saints at Bengals (+4.5)

Ooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhh this is my upset alert pick of the week.  Cincinnati has a high of 46 degrees on Sunday.  That’s not COLD, but for a dome team from New Orleans, that’s pretty cold.  The Saints are also coming off a big win vs the Rams last weekend and they just signed Dez Bryant.  My Dez Bryant odds for this weekend:

  • Dez Bryant TD +110
  • Over 100 yards +5000
  • Meltdown -250
  • Dropped pass -500
  • Comes out in a Cowboys uniform -800

PS:  That Michael Thomas TD celebration was fantastic. 10/10.

Falcons (-3.5) at Browns

Why is this line only Falcons -3.5??  Let’s take a deep dive.  Queue the Inspector Gadget music!  Ok, I’m done. I can’t figure out why the Falcons are only -3.5!!  I know the Browns are at home and you never want to bet against the home dogs, but these are the Browns we’re talking about!  Am I a sucker for taking the Falcons -3.5??  Yes, but the Falcons need to win this game.  They can’t afford to drop games they’re supposed to win anymore.

Patriots (-6) at Titans

I have one rule when I gamble: never bet against Alabama and never bet against the Patriots.  I just don’t do it. I’ve been burned way too many times.  Am I confident the Patriots will cover this spread vs the Titans?  No, because the last time Belichick went against one of his former coaches, the Patriots got burned.  Vrabel vs Belicheck.  Brady vs Mariota.  I’m taking the Patriots for those reasons.

Jaguars (+3) at Colts

The Jaguars are coming off a bye week they DESPERATELY needed.  The Jaguars are 3-5, but look at the rest of their schedule:

  • at Colts
  • home vs Steelers
  • at Bills
  • home vs Colts
  • at Titans
  • home vs Redskins
  • at Miami
  • at Houston

The Jaguars can be the second half team of this season, rip through that schedule, and go 6-2 to finish the season at 9-7.  9-7 might be enough to win the division.  Can you name another Colts WR besides TY Hilton?   I can’t.  Can you name a single Colts defensive player?  I can’t.

Cardinals at Chiefs (-17)

-17?!?!?!  I don’t think I’ve ever seen a team in the NFL lay 17 points.  I need to double check this because there’s no way an NFL team is favored by 17 points.  Ok I lied, it’s Chiefs -16.  Can we really take the Chiefs -16 effin points here?  We have to right?  Especially since it’s at home.  Especially since it’s vs the Cardinals.

Bills (+8) at Jets

Oh God, what a game.  If the Bills and Jets combined teams and we called them the New York Bills, what would their record be?  They would be a playoff team right?  I don’t think the Jets are 8 points better than the Bills, but fuckin Nate Peterman is their starting QB.  Darnold is going to miss this game with a foot injury which mean that the Jets are firing up a 69-year-old Josh McCown this week.  I can’t believe I’m doing this, but 8 points is too much.  Take the points when you don’t know.  I’ll take the Bills, gulp.  Is this the worst game in NFL history?

Redskins at Buccaneers (PK)

Bucs at home for the following reason:

Chargers (-10) at Raiders

Feels like one of these types of games – 1st Quarter Summary:

  • Melvin Gordon to the left for 12 yard TOUCHDOWN run
  • Derek Carr 14 yard pass -INTERCEPTED
  • Melvin Gordon to the right for 6 yard TOUCHDOWN run
  • Derek Carr 7 yard pass – INTERCEPTED
  • Melvin Gordon up the middle for 4 yard TOUCHDOWN run

Dolphins at Packers (-7.5)

If you’re a Packers fan, aren’t you QUIETLY kind of worried about this team?  Your three wins are against the Bears, Bills, and 49ers.  If the Packers lose this game, Mike McCarthy is fired.  But there’s just no way an Aaron Rodgers team loses to a Brock Osweiler team.  Just no way A-Rodg lets that happen.  This might be the game Packers fans go from, “Should we fire Mike McCarthy” to “We need to fire Mike McCarthy”.

Seahawks at Rams (-9.5)

I BELEIEVE IN YOU MARCUS PETERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  MARCUS PETERS GAME WINNING/SAVING INTERCEPTION IN THE PLAYOFFS.

Cowboys at Eagles (-6)

It’s unbelievable how badly the Cowboys fucked this up.  It’s no secret that underpaid quarterbacks on rookie contracts have become the most important building block in the NFL.  The Cowboys had that and more in Dak Prescott who earned roughly half of what the Cowboys were paying their punter.  The Cowboys Super Bowl window looked MASSIVE after their 13-3 season in 2016.  They had the best line in football and two of the youngest stars at the QB and RB positions.  But the 2016 Cowboys team couldn’t feel farther away.  They failed to surround Dak with anybody who could be considered a weapon in the passing game, Jason Garrett remains the Cowboys’ coach,  and Jerry Jones continues to treat the Cowboys like they’re Super Bowl contenders.

What’s next for the Cowboys?  Will they get rid of Jason Garrett?  What will they do with Prescott, who is eligible for an extension after this season?  What about their defense?  What about that potential top 10 draft pick they traded away for Amari Cooper?  Will Jerry Jones get out of the way?  The Cowboys are a dumpster fire right now.

Eagles -6?!?!?!  I don’t like this bet, I FUCKIN LOVE IT.  Here’s the thing- Vegas set this odd at 6 to sucker all the stupid Cowboys fans into this bet.  “Hey we’re getting six points vs the Eagles?  We always play the Eagles TOUGH!  We’re Division rivals!”  That’s what every Cowboys fan thinks of this line.  Sean Lee is out for the Cowboys this weekend, shocker I know.  Ezekiel Elliiot only has THREE rushing touchdowns this year, including ONE in the past six weeks.  Jason Garrett is still the Cowboys’ coach.  Jerry Jones is still the Cowboys’ owner.  What else do you need?  I think the Eagles win by at least two touchdowns at home on Sunday Night Football.

Giants at 49ers (-2.5)

Coin flip: heads I go Giants, tails I go Niners.  It’s heads, alright Niners it is.

Last week: 5-5 (12-11 overall)

NFL Week 5 Recap: We don’t deserve the NFL

Giants 31 – Panthers 33

New York Giants v Carolina Panthers

What a game.  I can’t imagine being a Giants fan right now, I really can’t.  Yesterday’s game was an all-time kick in the balls.  Buzzer beater from 63 yards out.  They’re 1-4 and things don’t look like they’re going to get better anytime soon.  But guess what?  That wasn’t the only thing that kicked the Giants in the balls this weekend.  You guessed it!  It finally happened.  It only took ODB (way cooler nickname than OBJ) five weeks to throw his “I need a new QB” fit.  Who didn’t see this coming from the biggest diva in the NFL?  It was a ticking time bomb – tick tick tick tick (Chris Berman Voice).

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The best part about yesterday’s game?  Odell throwing a touchdown pass to Saquon – the longest passing touchdown this year for the Giants.  Can the Giants put Odell at QB?  Maybe just run the read option with him and Saquon every play?  Maybe Odell can throw the ball and catch the ball at the same time (according to Gielse, Tom Brady can’t do it)?  Seriously, what are the Giants going to do?  I’m actually starting to feel bad for Giants fans.  But at least they have Saquon and Odell for the next five years!!!!  That’s exciting!  I’m happy for Giants fans.

Live look at Odell at practice this week:

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Ravens 9 – Browns 12 by Killian Pender

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The Good: This game shows that Higgins can be a factor, thought the loss of Gordon would be back breaking but it seems as though we have something in Higgins (hopefully the injury is not huge). Hyde keeps trucking along and leading potentially the best running back room in the league. Baker is fearless, no matter the outcome he’s gonna slang that thang. Defense is exactly who we thought they were, great. Ward looks like the DROY through 5 weeks and can’t tackle anything, he just makes plays (third INT of the season, and a blocked FG). Peppers has terrible ball skills, but that guy was HITTING. WIN.

The Bad: Drops, drops, drops; drops continue to be an issue for the team. Baltimore has a good defense and I knew we couldn’t score a ton of points but the drops are killing us. Landry not going out of bounds at the end of regulation. If he goes out there, we don’t spike it and we have another play to get closer for our kicker that did not even make 70% of his kicks in college. The special teams remains to be the worst aspect of the team.

The Ugly: Lombardi said on “The NFL Show” that the Browns are a 50 minute team, and it shows week after week. Our clock management at the end of each game has been an issue that led to two losses. Hue didn’t even know the game was over after the kick. We are gonna trip over our own feet. Damn.

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I do believe we can win the division, pound on.


Rams 33 – Seahawks 31

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That was a good win for the Rams.  Division road game are always tough and they pulled it off without Cooks and Kupp in the second half.  Did anyone actually think the Rams were going to lose that game though?  This Rams team has a 2000s Lakers team feel to it.  You expect them to win these games now.  I was never worried or nervous.  Seattle wasn’t going to beat the Rams in a shootout.  The Rams can’t stop the run and that’s the only thing that worries me right now.  I’m not sure why teams continue to try and keep up with the Rams.  Run the ball, work the clock, and keep the offense off the field.  You’re not going to outscore the Rams this year.

Was anyone surprised McVay went for it on 4th and 1 to ice the game?  That’s what good coaches do (more on this later).  He pulled his balls out and said, “I have the best offense in the league.  Try to stop us.”  Love it.  Jared Goff showing that emotion after the first down?  FUCKIN LOVE IT.  IS THAT TOM BRADY?!?!?

There was honestly was never a doubt.  Remember the “too many different personalities in the locker room” talk before the season?  That was cute.

But Marcus Peters.  What the fuck my dude?  He’s been burned for a touchdown every game.  It is cause he’s hurt?  Maybe.  Or is he getting burned trying to make a big play for the defense?  Probably.  It pisses me off but you know what, I’m OK with it.  He has that privilege because of the offense.  Peters will give up touchdowns/big plays this year but I’m calling it right now – he’s going to make a HUGE play in the playoffs this year.  A game winning/clinching pick 6.  I also love watching Peters try and rip the ball out of the ball carrier’s arms.  It’s so much fun to watch and scream, “BALL BALL BALL!!!!”

TOUGH game next week vs the Broncos at Denver.  Back to back road games and possibly no Cooks and Kupp.  The Rams are going to need some players to make some plays (PETERS PICK 6 NEXT WEEK).


Cowboys 16 – Texans 19 (OT)

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What a game.  I’m so glad that game was on prime-time for us to see.  I cannot believe I stayed up and watched this entire “football” game but I’m glad I did.  That game was awful.  I never said, “wtf are they doing” so many times in my life.  Chris Collinsworth did everything he could do to make the game sound exciting.  My personal favorite was, “I’m glad these teams only play once every four years cause they’re doing everything they can to kill each other out there.”  Hey Colin, guess what?   I’m also glad they only play once every four years because I can’t watch those two teams play every year.

Bill O’Brein is my new favorite coach (sorry Hue Jackson).  What the hell was he doing that game?  Was he drunk?  Is every Texans game like that?  Because if it is I need to get league pass to watch the Texans every week.  Here’s my BOB rant:  Deshuan Waston was clearly hurt that game.  They had their team doctors check on him after every series.  But guess what??  BOB didn’t think so!  Hey Deshaun are you hurt?  Ok pefect!  Let’s call a QB sweep to the left where you’ll get crushed by a Jaylon Smith.  I know you’re our franchise QB but my job is on the line.  I don’t care if you get hurt this game!  His play calls from the one yard line were amazing.  I mean not once but TWICE.

1st series:  10-6 HOU with 10 seconds left in the half.   4th and goal from the half yard line.  Hmmm let’s play a game called, “You’re a NFL coach, what would you do?”

A) You just take the points. Kick it and go up 7.  Plus you get the ball to start the second half

B) QB Sneak (you obviously don’t care about Watson)

C) Goal line formation and just smash it in there. I don’t care with who.  Put fuckin JJ Watt back there as your lead FB and just fuckin run it down their throat.  Or just hand the ball off to JJ Watt

D) Go shotgun with Watson and take a sack

DING DING DING!  You win as long as you didn’t choose Answer D!  Guess what BOB did?  D!!! Shotgun from the HALF yard line.  Watson rolled out and got destroyed by Jaylon Smith.  Ok, fine maybe I’m being harsh on BOB.  Let’s take a look at the second series.  There’s no way he can mess this up again, right?  WRONG.

2nd series:  13-13 with 10 minutes left in the game.  Ball at the Dallas ONE yard line.  Here’s a breakdown:

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Alfred Blue is 230 pounds.  Give him the ball four straight times.  I don’t give a fuck if they have 100 people and 10000000 Whataburgers stacked up in the box.  If your team can’t get you one yard and into the end zone in a 13-13 game, I am sorry.

That’s a decision a 13 year old can make on Madden.  Can someone get the Texans an “Ask Madden” app?  An app that calls a random 12 year old Texans fan for a playcall.  I can’t believe I’m this upset about the Texans.

And then there’s Jason Garrett.  What the FUCK are you doing punting on 4th and 1 on the Texans 42 yard line in overtime?!?!?!?  What the FUCK are you trying to do?!?!?  By punting it you’re essentially saying, “let’s kick the ball to them and play for a tie.”  Right?!?!  There’s no other fuckin reason to punt the ball in that situation.  You claim to have the best offensive line in the NFL, you drafted Zeke Elliot with the fourth pick in the draft, and you’re 2-2.  You win this game and you’re in first place of the division!  What are you doing punting the ball in that situation?!?!  You’re on their 42 fuckin yard line!!!!  You think your team is going to be upset that you went for it on 4th and 1 on the Texans 42?  You think they’re going to be upset that you went for the win?!?!?!?  This stuff is just mind blowing.

The Texans and Cowboys need to fire their coach on the same day this week.  Let’s make it a Texas Holiday – give everyone in Texas the day off.  They deserve it.