Let’s do this. We finally made it. It’s time for the biggest regular season game of the year. It’s a Super Bowl preview. I hope we’re not disappointed.
8:00 pm (EST) – I just texted my buddy who’s at the game:
Me: “What’s the atmosphere like?”
Him: “I just got here…it’s wild.”
I’m so upset that I’m not at the game.
8:03 – My 75lb dog decided to sit on my lap. He’s going to have to find a new spot or I might die. Or if the Rams lose, he might die. Your choice, buddy.
8:06 – Why is everyone taking the Chiefs this game? I’m confused. Is it because the Rams lost to the Saints on the road? Is it because they barely beat a tough Seattle team? Seriously, I’m just curious. Do people know this game is in LA?
8:08 – I cant believe I didn’t fly home for this game.
8:10 – It’s really disappointing that the Chiefs didn’t go with their all red uniforms. Especially after the Patrick Mahomes ketchup on his mac n cheese crap. That’s how I know Goff > Mahomes. This could’ve been a classic mustard vs ketchup game. I don’t know if my eyes could have handled that.
8:12 – My dog finally got off my lap. I was two minutes away from suffocating and dying. He doesn’t know how big he is
8:14 – Time to crack open my first beer. This running diary is brought to you by Stella. I don’t even like Stella, but thats the only beer we have in the fridge.
8:15 – I just walked my ass to the fridge and we’re out of fuckin beer. Unbelievable. I’m pissed off and the game hasn’t even started.
8:17 – HERE WE GO!!!! Rams on offense first; the yellow uniform looks beautiful. Let’s get Gurley rolling early. Knowing Sean McVay they’ll throw the ball every play this drive
8:23 – Rams Touchdown!!! Goff to Woods for a 7 yard touchdown. Serious question, how many yards/touchdowns does Robert Woods have at the Coliseum. That was too easy. This is going to be an absolute shootout. This Chiefs defense looks AWFUL. Oh what the hell Greg……… he just missed a PAT. Shouldn’t matter in this game. 6-0 Rams.
8:25 – I’m surprised the refs gave the Rams those two flags. I’m not going to lie, those were soft ass calls. You know the NFL wants a shootout…. hmmmmm conspiracy theory time. The NFL replaced the original referee group with this “highly qualified” group. I wonder why? Maybe a little extra bag from Roger Goodell? Keep the games close and let the teams run up the scores. Hmmmmmmmm, just a thought.
8:30 – Wade Phillips in a LAFD hat. GILF. This feels like a playoff game. The atmosphere is intense. I can feel it through my TV. Inject it into my veins! Five flags in the first five minutes of the game. Not a good start for the Chiefs.
8:32 – Text from a friend that’s at the game, “Peters getting burned by Kelce is ridiculous.” Mahomes just missed a wide open Kelce. Peters on Kelce to start the game, intresting. I don’t hate it. I BELIEVE IN YOU MARCUS PETERS. Marcus Peters is going to make a play this game.
8:40 – Another penalty on the Chiefs.. 6 flags for the Chiefs- that has to be some kind of record.
8:43 – ANOTHER PENALTY ON THE CHIEFS! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!?
8:44 – Touchdown Rams. I like Josh Reynolds, he’s going to do well filling in for Cooper Kupp. What a start for Jared Goff. ARE WE SURE THIS IS GOING TO BE A GOOD GAME?!?!? 13 – 0 Rams. I want a back breaking pick six right here. Let’s break the Chiefs early. I SMELL BLOOD!
8:50 – Rams defense still can’t stop the run. Shocker. Chiefs touchdown. 4 plays, 75 yards, 2:10. Tyreke Hill is FAST. Not sure why he was one-on-one vs Sam Shields there. Oh well. Game on. This is going to be fun. 14-6 Rams.
8:56 – Malcon Brown in at RB to start this series…. ummmmm where’s Todd Gurley? Is he hurt? Josh Reynolds over/under for yards was 36 yards this game. That’s 4 catches for 44 yards for Reynolds in the 1st quarter. $$$$$$$$. PAY ME.
9:00 – 13 – 6 Rams after the 1st quarter. That wasn’t too bad. I’m chilling. Not worried at all.
9:03 – Andy Reid just yelled at Jared Goff to “get the fuck out of here.” Big Red was fuming hahahha. Rams can’t convert in the red zone after the PI flag is picked up. I think it’s such bullshit you can challenge that the ball got tipped. 16-7 Rams.
9:14 – Sam Shields can’t run with Tyreke Hill. I mean no one can, but can we get Sam Shield some help over the top, please?
9:20 – HUUUUUUGE stop by the Rams on 3rd and Goal to force a FG. I’m not sure why the Chiefs decided to kick it there? The Rams can’t stop the Chiefs right now. I know McVay is happy that the Chiefs just kicked a FG. 16-10 Rams with 8:04 left in the half. I don’t think the Rams will be able to stop Kansas City at all tonight. I don’t think Kansas City will be able to stop the Rams at all tonight. Whoever gets the ball last is going to win this game. This is a Madden game with the settings set to All-Rookie. Buckle your seat-belts.
9:24 – Curious to see if the Rams get the run going this drive. Who the hell makes these corny graphics for ESPN? They’re awful. What the hell was that Sean Mcvay/castle/Harry Potter crap?
9:27: Oh no fuck me – Goff fumbled on the 20…..Mahomes to Hunt for a Chiefs touchdown. How the hell are the Chiefs up right now? This isn’t good. 17-16 Chiefs. Rams defense is going to need to make a play and I also need half a Valium.
9:35 – Cheifs D just forced the Rams to punt. Chiefs getting the ball back with 4 minutes left AND the Chiefs get the ball to start the second half…. Need the Rams defense to make a big play here or they’re in trouble. GULP.
9:44 – BALL BALL BALL!!!!!! AARON DONALD. BEST DEFENSIVE PLAYER IN THE LEAGUE. HOLY CRAP. WHAT A PLAY. DONALD STRIP SACK AND TOUCHDOWN RETURN BY THE RAMS. It’s unreal what he can do out there. Aaron Donald deserves $250 million. RAMS NEEEEEDED THAT PLAY SO BAD. 23-17 Rams.
9:51 – Chiefs touchdown. 7 plays, 69 yards, 1:37. CHIEFS kicker just missed the PAT. Are you kidding me? I am going to have a heart attack. This is the best half of football I’ve ever seen. This is football porn. I need halftime to be two hours long so I can calm down. I don’t even smoke, but I think I need a cigarette. 23-23 at the half. I’m going to go outside and scream, ” I LOVE FOOTBALL!!!!!!” Be right back.
9:57 – OK RANT TIME – WHAT THE HELL WERE THE RAMS DOING GETTING THE CHAINSMOKERS FOR THIS SHIT. YOU’RE TELLING ME THEY COULDN’T GET MOTHEREFFIN YG?!? LIKE WHAT THE FUCK????? SERIOUSLY? THAT WAS THE LAMEST SHIT I’VE EVER SEEN. UNREAL. People in LA don’t give a fuck about the Chainsmokers. They were cool six years ago. Whoever suggested the Chainsmokers needs to be fired. Best Chainsmoker song of all time? Roses. Fight me.
10:12 – BALL BALL BALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAARON FUCKIN DONALD!!! Holy shit pay him more, pay him more!!!! That ball was on the ground for 20 seconds HAHAH. I just screamed BALL BALL BALL for twenty seconds. That ball kept rolling and rolling. Thought that thing was going to roll all the way to San Diego. Patrick Mahomes is soft. Can’t take the hits!!!!! Can’t hang on to the football!!!! I can’t believe the Rams picked up that ball. Imagine this defense without Aaron Donald.
10:17 – Cooks just dropped a 50-yard touchdown bomb. It was honestly a great play by the DB, but Cooks needs to hang on to that. Cooks to the locker room now?
10:22 – I can’t handle this game. 7 yard TD run from Jared Goff and a BEAUTIFUL finger roll over the goal post. What an athlete! 30-23 Rams. I still can’t get over Aaron Donald. 14 points off of two Donald plays.
10:33 – Ughhh Marcus Peters just gave up a 32-yard reception to Travis Kelce. Peters is going to the locker room? Chiefs touchdown. How do you stop this offense? Is it possible? 30-30 tied up.
10:36 – Burger King’s chicken nuggets look so good. This commercial has been teasing me for about two weeks now. I know you know what I’m talking about.
10:39 – I really need to know who makes these graphics for ESPN. They’re horrible.
10:42 – Is Todd Gurley ok? He doesn’t look 100%. I’m kind of worried. If he’s hurt, they need to shut him down.
10:44 – What was that play call? Halfback draw on 3rd and 9? I’ll never question Sean McVay, but what was that call? Not sure what a Field Goal does there. Oh well. 33-30 Rams.
10:46 – Seriously who does the graphics for ESPN?
10:47 – WHAT?!?!?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME! BANG BANG BANG! Another play from the defense. Pick 6!!!!!! 21 points off turnovers. I am in shock right now. IN SHOCK. Defense is coming up huge for the Rams. Who said the Rams defense sucks?!? 40-30 Rams.
10:52 – WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED?!?! TOUCHDOWN RAMS DEFENSE after EVERYONE STOPPED PLAYING. My dog is going bonkers. I am going bonkers. Mahomes is SOFT!!! He can’t hang on to the ball. He looks like he’s about to cry on the sideline. Update: Incomplete pass – it’s the right call. Oh man that would’ve been insane. CHIEFS ARE SOFT!!!!!!!!!!!!! They don’t want this! They look tired.
10:57 – There’s Gurley. Time to feed him. 40-30 Rams at the end of the 3rd quarter. I’m not nervous (yes I am).
11:01 – Goff just took a shot. That was scary. Just missed a throw and he’s probably concussed. I don’t know how the Rams got to 3rd and 30 here and now they’re forced to punt. Looks like the defense will have to make another play. Marcus Peters pick 6???????
11:09 – What the fuck. Mahomes just bombed one to Hill for a 75-yard touchdown. I am speechless. 3 plays, 91 yards, in 1:08 seconds. GULP. This game is going to kill me. Is there a safe lead vs this Chiefs team? 28 points? 40-37 Rams….
11:13 – I don’t like this. I’m officially nervous. Goff has been amazing tonight, but he’s missed a couple of easy throws. Are we sure he’s not concussed?
11:15 – Fuck, what the fuck just happened. Chiefs touchdown on a strip fumble. 3rd and long is killing the Rams this second half. I’m speechless. 35 combined points off turnovers. This is an absolute emotional roller coaster. 44-40 Chiefs.
11:21 – Rams touchdown – I’m going to fuckin pass out. I need a shot. I need a joint. I need a Xanax. I need something. 47-44 Rams with 10 minutes left.
11:29 – “Let’s see if one of the QBs can pull a rabbit out of their head” – Jason Witten. LOLOLZLOLOLZ. That was funny.
11:31 – 47-44 Rams with 6:33 left in the game. If the Chiefs score here, the Rams will get the ball back for one more drive. Should the Rams just let the Chiefs score?
11:36 – Seriously, should the Rams just let the Chiefs score here? 2:55 left with zero timeouts remaining… I want to throw up. Personal foul on the Rams; ball is on the 10 yard line now. Chiefs touchdown. 51 – 47 Chiefs with 2:47 left. Show me what you got Jared Goff. It’s your time to shine.
11:47 – I just poured a shot. What a throw from Jared Goff. BIG BALLS. What a fuckin drive. 6 plays, 75 yards, 58 seconds. 1:49 left 54-51 Rams. Too much time left on the clock? MARCUS PETERS IT’S YOUR TIME!!!!!!!
11:52 MARCUS PETERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I BELIEVED IN YOU!!!!!!!!!
I BELIEVED IN YOU!!!!!!!!!!!
I BELIEVED IN YOU, MARCUS PETERS!!!!!!!!!!
MARCUS PETERS GAME-ENDING Interception!!!!!!
11:55 – Ok Sean Mcvay. Wtf was that drive? Did I just jinx the Rams? Hekker just booted the punt to Ventrua. What a fuckin punt. What is T. Hill doing fielding that punt?
12:02 – That was the best football game ever. Football porn. Rams win. Never a doubt to be honest.
FINAL: Chiefs 51 – Rams 54