Running Twitter Feed – Chiefs vs Rams


Let’s do this.  We finally made it.  It’s time for the biggest regular season game of the year.  It’s a Super Bowl preview.  I hope we’re not disappointed.

8:00 pm (EST) – I just texted my buddy who’s at the game:

Me:  “What’s the atmosphere like?”

Him:  “I just got here…it’s wild.”

I’m so upset that I’m not at the game.

8:03 –  My 75lb dog decided to sit on my lap.  He’s going to have to find a new spot or I might die.  Or if the Rams lose, he might die.  Your choice, buddy.

8:06 – Why is everyone taking the Chiefs this game?  I’m confused.  Is it because the Rams lost to the Saints on the road?  Is it because they barely beat a tough Seattle team?  Seriously, I’m just curious.  Do people know this game is in LA?

8:08 – I cant believe I didn’t fly home for this game.

8:10 – It’s really disappointing that the Chiefs didn’t go with their all red uniforms.  Especially after the Patrick Mahomes ketchup on his mac n cheese crap.  That’s how I know Goff > Mahomes.  This could’ve been a classic mustard vs ketchup game.  I don’t know if my eyes could have handled that. 

8:12 – My dog finally got off my lap.  I was two minutes away from suffocating and dying.  He doesn’t know how big he is

8:14 – Time to crack open my first beer.  This running diary is brought to you by Stella.  I don’t even like Stella, but thats the only beer we have in the fridge.

8:15 – I just walked my ass to the fridge and we’re out of fuckin beer.  Unbelievable.  I’m pissed off and the game  hasn’t even started.

8:17 – HERE WE GO!!!!  Rams on offense first; the yellow uniform looks beautiful.  Let’s get Gurley rolling early.  Knowing Sean McVay they’ll throw the ball every play this drive

8:23 – Rams Touchdown!!!  Goff to Woods for a 7 yard touchdown.  Serious question, how many yards/touchdowns does Robert Woods have at the Coliseum.  That was too easy.  This is going to be an absolute shootout.  This Chiefs defense looks AWFUL.  Oh what the hell Greg……… he just missed a PAT.  Shouldn’t matter in this game.  6-0  Rams.

8:25 – I’m surprised the refs gave the Rams those two flags.  I’m not going to lie, those were soft ass calls.  You know the NFL wants a shootout…. hmmmmm conspiracy theory time.  The NFL replaced the original referee group with this “highly qualified” group.  I wonder why?  Maybe a little extra bag from Roger Goodell?  Keep the games close and let the teams run up the scores.  Hmmmmmmmm, just a thought.

8:30 – Wade Phillips in a LAFD hat.  GILF.  This feels like a playoff game.  The atmosphere is intense.  I can feel it through my TV.  Inject it into my veins!  Five flags in the first five minutes of the game.  Not a good start for the Chiefs.

8:32 – Text from a friend that’s at the game, “Peters getting burned by Kelce is ridiculous.”  Mahomes just missed a wide open Kelce.  Peters on Kelce to start the game, intresting.  I don’t hate it.  I BELIEVE IN YOU MARCUS PETERS.  Marcus Peters is going to make a play this game.

8:40 – Another penalty on the Chiefs..  6 flags for the Chiefs- that has to be some kind of record.


8:44 –  Touchdown Rams.  I like Josh Reynolds, he’s going to do well filling in for Cooper Kupp.  What a start for Jared Goff.  ARE WE SURE THIS IS GOING TO BE A GOOD GAME?!?!?  13 – 0 Rams.  I want a back breaking pick six right here.  Let’s break the Chiefs early.  I SMELL BLOOD!

8:50 – Rams defense still can’t stop the run.  Shocker.  Chiefs touchdown.  4 plays, 75 yards, 2:10.  Tyreke Hill is FAST.  Not sure why he was one-on-one vs Sam Shields there.  Oh well.  Game on.  This is going to be fun.  14-6 Rams.

8:56 – Malcon Brown in at RB to start this series…. ummmmm where’s Todd Gurley?  Is he hurt?  Josh Reynolds over/under for yards was 36 yards this game.  That’s 4 catches for 44 yards for Reynolds in the 1st quarter.  $$$$$$$$.  PAY ME.

9:00 – 13 – 6 Rams after the 1st quarter.  That wasn’t too bad.  I’m chilling.  Not worried at all. 

9:03 – Andy Reid just yelled at Jared Goff to “get the fuck out of here.”  Big Red was fuming hahahha.  Rams can’t convert in the red zone after the PI flag is picked up.  I think it’s such bullshit you can challenge that the ball got tipped.  16-7 Rams.

9:14 – Sam Shields can’t run with Tyreke Hill.  I mean no one can, but can we get Sam Shield some help over the top, please?

9:20 – HUUUUUUGE stop by the Rams on 3rd and Goal to force a FG.  I’m not sure why the Chiefs decided to kick it there?  The Rams can’t stop the Chiefs right now.  I know McVay is happy that the Chiefs just kicked a FG.  16-10 Rams with 8:04 left in the half.  I don’t think the Rams will be able to stop Kansas City at all tonight.  I don’t think Kansas City will be able to stop the Rams at all tonight.  Whoever gets the ball last is going to win this game.  This is a Madden game with the settings set to All-Rookie.  Buckle your seat-belts. 

9:24 – Curious to see if the Rams get the run going this drive.  Who the hell makes these corny graphics for ESPN?  They’re awful.  What the hell was that Sean Mcvay/castle/Harry Potter crap?

9:27:  Oh no fuck me – Goff fumbled on the 20…..Mahomes to Hunt for a Chiefs touchdown.  How the hell are the Chiefs up right now?  This isn’t good.  17-16 Chiefs.  Rams defense is going to need to make a play and I also need half a Valium.

9:35 – Cheifs D just forced the Rams to punt.  Chiefs getting the ball back with 4 minutes left AND the Chiefs get the ball to start the second half…. Need the Rams defense to make a big play here or they’re in trouble.  GULP.


9:51 – Chiefs touchdown.  7 plays, 69 yards, 1:37.  CHIEFS kicker just missed the PAT.  Are you kidding me?  I am going to have a heart attack.  This is the best half of football I’ve ever seen.  This is football porn.  I need halftime to be two hours long so I can calm down.  I don’t even smoke, but I think I need a cigarette.  23-23 at the half.  I’m going to go outside and scream, ” I LOVE FOOTBALL!!!!!!”  Be right back.

9:57 – OK RANT TIME – WHAT THE HELL WERE THE RAMS DOING GETTING THE CHAINSMOKERS FOR THIS SHIT.  YOU’RE TELLING ME THEY COULDN’T GET MOTHEREFFIN YG?!?  LIKE WHAT THE FUCK????? SERIOUSLY?  THAT WAS THE LAMEST SHIT I’VE EVER SEEN.  UNREAL.  People in LA don’t give a fuck about the Chainsmokers.  They were cool six years ago.  Whoever suggested the Chainsmokers needs to be fired.  Best Chainsmoker song of all time?  Roses.  Fight me. 

10:12 – BALL BALL BALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAARON FUCKIN DONALD!!!  Holy shit pay him more, pay him more!!!!    That ball was on the ground for 20 seconds HAHAH.  I just screamed BALL BALL BALL for twenty seconds.  That ball kept rolling and rolling.  Thought that thing was going to roll all the way to San Diego.  Patrick Mahomes is soft.  Can’t take the hits!!!!!  Can’t hang on to the football!!!!  I can’t believe the Rams picked up that ball.  Imagine this defense without Aaron Donald.

10:17 – Cooks just dropped a 50-yard touchdown bomb.  It was honestly a great play by the DB, but Cooks needs to hang on to that.  Cooks to the locker room now?

10:22 – I can’t handle this game.  7 yard TD run from Jared Goff and a BEAUTIFUL finger roll over the goal post.  What an athlete!  30-23 Rams.  I still can’t get over Aaron Donald.  14 points off of two Donald plays.

10:33 – Ughhh Marcus Peters just gave up a 32-yard reception to Travis Kelce.  Peters is going to the locker room?  Chiefs touchdown.  How do you stop this offense?  Is it possible?  30-30 tied up.

10:36 – Burger King’s chicken nuggets look so good.  This commercial has been teasing me for about two weeks now.  I know you know what I’m talking about.

10:39 – I really need to know who makes these graphics for ESPN.  They’re horrible.

10:42 – Is Todd Gurley ok?  He doesn’t look 100%.  I’m kind of worried.  If he’s hurt, they need to shut him down.

10:44 – What was that play call?  Halfback draw on 3rd and 9?  I’ll never question Sean McVay, but what was that call?  Not sure what a Field Goal does there.  Oh well.  33-30 Rams. 

10:46 – Seriously who does the graphics for ESPN?

10:47 – WHAT?!?!?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME!  BANG BANG BANG! Another play from the defense.  Pick 6!!!!!!  21 points off turnovers.  I am in shock right now.  IN SHOCK.  Defense is coming up huge for the Rams.  Who said the Rams defense sucks?!?  40-30 Rams. 

10:52 – WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED?!?!  TOUCHDOWN RAMS DEFENSE after EVERYONE STOPPED PLAYING.  My dog is going bonkers. I am going bonkers.  Mahomes is SOFT!!! He can’t hang on to the ball. He looks like he’s about to cry on the sideline.  Update: Incomplete pass – it’s the right call.  Oh man that would’ve been insane.  CHIEFS ARE SOFT!!!!!!!!!!!!!  They don’t want this!  They look tired.

10:57 – There’s Gurley.  Time to feed him.  40-30 Rams at the end of the 3rd quarter.  I’m not nervous (yes I am).

11:01 – Goff just took a shot.  That was scary.  Just missed a throw and he’s probably concussed.  I don’t know how the Rams got to 3rd and 30 here and now they’re forced to punt.  Looks like the defense will have to make another play.  Marcus Peters pick 6???????

11:09 – What the fuck.  Mahomes just bombed one to Hill for a 75-yard touchdown.  I am speechless.  3 plays, 91 yards, in 1:08 seconds.  GULP.  This game is going to kill me.  Is there a safe lead vs this Chiefs team?  28 points?  40-37 Rams….

11:13 – I don’t like this.  I’m officially nervous.  Goff has been amazing tonight, but he’s missed a couple of easy throws.  Are we sure he’s not concussed?

11:15 – Fuck,  what the fuck just happened.  Chiefs touchdown on a strip fumble.  3rd and long is killing the Rams this second half.  I’m speechless.  35 combined points off turnovers.  This is an absolute emotional roller coaster.  44-40 Chiefs.

11:21 – Rams touchdown – I’m going to fuckin pass out.  I need a shot. I need a joint. I need a Xanax. I need something.  47-44 Rams with 10 minutes left.

11:29 – “Let’s see if one of the QBs can pull a rabbit out of their head” – Jason Witten. LOLOLZLOLOLZ.  That was funny.

11:31 – 47-44 Rams with 6:33 left in the game.  If the Chiefs score here, the Rams will get the ball back for one more drive.  Should the Rams just let the Chiefs score?

11:36 – Seriously, should the Rams just let the Chiefs score here?  2:55 left with zero timeouts remaining… I want to throw up.  Personal foul on the Rams; ball is on the 10 yard line now.  Chiefs touchdown.  51 – 47 Chiefs with 2:47 left.  Show me what you got Jared Goff.  It’s your time to shine.

11:47 – I just poured a shot.  What a throw from Jared Goff.  BIG BALLS. What a fuckin drive.  6 plays, 75 yards, 58 seconds.  1:49 left 54-51 Rams.  Too much time left on the clock?  MARCUS PETERS IT’S YOUR TIME!!!!!!!

11:52 MARCUS PETERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I BELIEVED IN YOU!!!!!!!!!!!




11:55 – Ok Sean Mcvay.  Wtf was that drive?  Did I just jinx the Rams?  Hekker just booted the punt to Ventrua.  What a fuckin punt.  What is T. Hill doing fielding that punt?

12:02 – That was the best football game ever.  Football porn. Rams win.  Never a doubt to be honest. 

FINAL: Chiefs 51 – Rams 54



What Am I Watching?

          When you hear “Tournament Time” one sport obviously comes to mind and that is college basketball. More specifically you think of the month of March and the excitement that it brings as teams fight for a chance at the Final Four and a national championship; and It’s widely considered the best time for college basketball. What if I told you that March isn’t the best month for basketball, what if I were to say the best time could be narrowed down to a week. A week shares the spotlight with the one holiday where everyone throws dietary caution to the wind. That’s right, I’m talking about Thanksgiving, and I’m talking about all the tournaments that will overload our screens as college basketball takes a moment to officially let everyone know it has begun. Now I am not saying that there is more at stake or more emotion in these holiday tournaments because there isn’t. The Tournament in March is in another stratosphere in that regard. The point being made is that from a shear quantitative standpoint there is more basketball and you can see your team play more guaranteed games in these weeks of November than in the National Tournament.
Being that there are quite a few tournaments that are both happening and will happen in the next week its best we focus on the ones that will not only be the most entertaining but also the ones that are going to be on mainstream television. The big ones as usual are the Battle for Atlantis, The NIT season tip off and the Maui Invitational. Now I could go into a long drawn out explanation of why these tournaments are the ones that will give us the college basketball fix we have been looking for. I could even go on about what each team is bringing to the table and how they stack up against one another, but I won’t. These tournaments are a lot like movies, and given they are a lot like movies its only right that be the way I let you know what’s what with college basketball’s Feast Week

Battle 4 AtlantisImage result for battle for atlantis

This tournament will feature the Florida Gators, Wisconsin Badgers, Butler Bulldogs, Virginia, the Sooners, Stanford, the Dayton Flyers and Middle Tennessee. If you’re watching this tournament you’ve pretty much decided you want 80’s action…you want Die Hard. Lets meet the cast.

Virginia/John McClane: The tough guy who doesn’t mind a fight, and while he usually wins, its never pretty.
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Oklahoma/Hans Gruber: The one with the plan to walk out of the building with a bag of money in hand and a heap of bodies behind them. He’s on a mission and has something to prove.
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Butler/Karl: Just angry at the world since they lost their brother (Brad) they are on a warpath to have their vengeance, it will end in their demise.
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Wisconsin/Sgt Powell: There was a time when they were on the biggest stage, then they froze, and they’ve never been right since…
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Florida/Mr. Takagi: They have some clout but to those out east of their hometown that doesn’t mean much these days. Also we have questions about the fact that you have something a bad guy would want stashed away in a vault instead of a proper bank.
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Stanford/Harry Ellis: He’s that one guy in the office that everyone rolls their eyes at when they walk by. He’s pretty confident he is the smartest man in the room but what he lacks in book smarts he also lacks in street smarts.
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Middle Tenn/Special Agent Johnson: You probably don’t even remember these guys were in this movie. Need I say more?
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Dayton/Special Agent Johnson: Seriously, do I?
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NIT Season Tip-Off Image result for nit season tip off

Its a smaller tournament but it makes up for that with the teams it’s got headlining. This tournament has Kansas, Louisville, Marquette and Tennessee all lined up to go head to head. If you are a suspense/crime thriller type of person then this is the one for you and that is because you’ll be watching The Usual Suspects.

Louisville/Kobayashi: They have a suit on but they are giving off signals that there might be a secret word that has them revert back to some cut throat lifestyle they are trying to leave behind.
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Marquette/Fred Fenster: Their only purpose is to be killed to demonstrate Söze’s power, this character has no meaningful impact on the story.
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Tennessee/Dean Keaton: He has a checkered past, a history of living on the wrong side of the law, but they are a changed person (sort of) and they are the real threat to Mr. Söze.
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Kansas/Verbal Kint: The unassuming crippled that everyone for some reason decided to look past…we all know how that ended.
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Maui InvitationalImage result for maui invitational

this tournament is nothing short of loaded with talent with Arizona, Auburn, Duke, Gonzaga, Illinois, Iowa State, San Diego State and Xavier. This tournament will be an instant classic for the season, an instant classic just like Adam McKay’s Step Brothers. That’s right the Maui Invitational is Step Brothers on the parquet floor.

Auburn/Brennan: There has been some overshadowing by some of the kids in his neighborhood but he’s looking for a chance to show that being old has its advantages. You can just manhandle the little kids across the street who won’t be there next year anyway.
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Gonzaga/Dale: He’s at the point in his life where we are starting to wonder if they are ever going to actually do anything or will they just make a fuss for the first few months then sit at home and watch Cops all day after the first sign of trouble.
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Duke/Derek Huff: The youngest and most successful of the siblings, they have no problem name dropping and bringing up the size of the Bonito they caught on their yacht. They know you wanna punch them and they’re cocky enough they’ll dare you to do it.
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Arizona/Alice: She hates her life, but is OBSESSED with Dale. Nobody ever seems to pay any attention to her and it does its toll on her self esteem. Maybe it’s because of where she’s at or maybe it’s because when she’s given the mic she’s flat and throws off the quartet. Either way there is a lot of constant confusion and crying.
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Xavier/Randy: Dude’s crazy, simple as that, we’ve seen him do things to the competition that would make even the most cut throat of businessmen blush (can’t try a man in international waters).
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Illinois/Robert Doback: There was a time when they headed a house of learned doctors but here lately all they can muster up is lofty goals that are as outlandish as their dream to be a T-rex. It shows on their face, by this time of the year they are ready to remind you it could be worse…you could be them.
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Iowa State/Chris Gardocki: This kid’s got nothing to lose, he’s just out here to crack some skulls, start a playground riot and possibly make you eat some white dog poop.
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San Diego State/Pam: Still to this day Dale and Brennan don’t know how to say her name. Pam’s not getting much respect if you ask me, but she takes it like a champ.
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No matter which tournament you decide to spend your time with you can’t go wrong. There is plenty of good basketball to go around and now you know exactly what to expect from the teams going into the holiday. You know what movies you like and now you know where to start when things tip off next week.


NFL Week 10 Picks: Ten Top-10 Lists of Random Things

Week 10 is here.  Here are 10 top-10 lists of random things:

10 Questions for the Rest of the NFL Season


  1. Who’s the best team in the NFL?  Is it the Rams?  Yes?  Is it the Saints? Probably?  Is it the Chiefs? Possibly?  Is it the Patriots? Maybe?
  2. Which teams are we sleeping on?  It’s the Panthers, Vikings, Steelers, and Eagles.  They CAN all win the Super Bowl.  They’re the four teams that can do it besides the Rams, Saints, Chiefs, and Patriots.  Am I missing anyone else?
  3. Is Le’veon Bell coming back this season?  Why hasn’t Le’veon fired his agent?  How the hell does he still have a job?  They couldn’t have played this any worse.  Remember when Elvis Dumerville’s agent fucked up?  This is about 1000000 times worse.  Do the Steelers even want him back?  I’m sure they would like to have him back on the field, but at this point you just have to say, “Fuck you, Le’veon. We’re in first place without you, and we love James Connor.”
  4. Why hasn’t Jason Garrett been fired?  Seriously, what else does he need to do to get fired?  What does he have on Jerry Jones?  Maybe a possible sex tape?  It doesn’t pass the smell test.
  5. Who’s going to win the NFC East?  The Redskins are 5-3 and in first place of the division.  The Eagles are just a game back and the Cowboys traded a possible top ten pick for Amari Cooper.  Fly Eagles, fly.
  6. Who’s the MVP?  The top three odds according to BetOnline are:
    1. Patrick Mahomes
    2. Todd Gurley
    3. Drew Brees
  7. What team is going to suffer a crucial injury?  Will they be able to survive it?  Hopefully no one, but it’s football and it happens every year.  The Eagles lost Carson Wentz last year, but Big D*** Nick came in and slapped his balls on the table and took the Eagles to the Super Bowl.
  8. Who’s going to get the first pick in the draft?  The tanks are starting to roll, but what are teams in need of a QB going to do?  The 2019 QB Draft Class looks worse than the 2007 NFL QB Draft Class.
  9. Which trade deadline player will have the biggest impact?  Golden Tate?  Dante Fowler?  Demayrius Thomas?  None of the above?
  10. Fake first half teams?  Who flames out for the second half of the season?  The Chargers?  The Texans?  The Packers?

Top 10 WRs in the League

  1. Antonio Brown
  2. Julio Jones
  3. Deandre Hopkins
  4. Odell Beckham
  5. Michael Thomas (you can honestly shuffle these TOP 5 guys in any order right now)
  6. AJ Green
  7. Adam Theilen (feels too low)
  8. Mike Evans (feels too high)
  9. Devante Adams
  10. Tyreke Hill

Top 10 NFL Coaches to Get Fired

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  1. Hue Jackson-  I refuse to believe he’s actually fired.
  2. Jason Garrett-  He has a SEX TAPE on Jerry Jones.
  3. Mike McCarthy-  If he doesn’t get fired this off-season, I will eat dog food.
  4. Vance Joseph- 100% getting fired at the end of the season.  John Elway should get fired too.
  5. Dirk Koetter-  Not sure how he’s still a NFL coach.
  6. Sean McDermott- Why do people even take the Bills job?  It’s a death sentence.
  7. John Harbaugh-  Somehow on the hot seat?
  8. Todd Bowles- What’s he supposed to do with that roster?
  9. Jon Gruden-  I’m actually loving Part II of the Gruden run.
  10. Doug Marrone-  My SNEAAAAAKY coach to get fired pick.

Top 10 Future Bets


  1. Duke Basketball to win the Final Four +500.  They have the first three picks in next year’s NBA Draft on their roster right now.  I feel comfortable with this pick.  It’s too good to be true.  If they lose, I won’t even be upset about it.  The most talented team lost, oh well.  It comes down to this:  would you be more upset with yourself if you lost this bet or if you didn’t make this bet and Duke won?  Exactly.  Just take Duke at +500; it’s honestly too good to pass up.  By the way, the last time I put in a Duke future bet, I cashed in on the 2015 National Championship Team.
  2. Boston Celtics to win the Eastern Conference +150.  They’re still the best team in the East and they have the best coach in the East.  It’s early, but they’ll figure everything out.  It’s your chance to jump on it now.  I’m also very tempted to take Kyrie MVP odds at +4000.
  3. Warriors to win the NBA Championship -165.  $165 to win $100.  Shouldn’t we all take this bet?  The Warriors are going to win this year unless something CRAZY happens, as in DURANT AND CURRY get hurt.  Risk $1650 to win $1000?
  4. Kyler Murray to win the Heisman +600.  Tua pretty much has the Heisman wrapped up at -1000 BUUUUUUUUUUUUT look at Alabama’s schedule: home vs (18) MS State, home vs Auburn, AT (6) Georgia, and probably the SEC Championship game.  Let’s say Alabama drops one of those games OR Tua struggles in two of those games OR *knock on wood* he gets hurt.  Remember Dennis Dixon?  It happened to him; he had that Heisman wrapped up and under his Christmas tree before he got hurt.  Murray’s going to put up MONSTER numbers in the next three weeks in the BIG12.  He has a perfect Heisman moment opportunity vs West Virgina in the last regular season game.  And if they win that game and Oklahoma wins the BIG 12 to make it to the College Playoffs….I can totally see all this happening.
  5. Lakers to win the NBA Championship +3200. HAHAH I KNOW BUT HEAR ME OUT.  Let’s say Durant or Steph gets hurt. They’ve had tremendous luck for the past four-five years. Maybe they’re due?  Or let’s say Draymond gets hurt or two of their big four get hurt?  Or Boogie destroys the team mojo when he gets back.  And let’s say the Lakers swap Lonzo, KCP, and a couple of future firsts for Damian Lillard at the deadline.  OR the Pelicans completely fall apart and AD forces his way to Los Angeles.  IT’S CRAZY BUT IT CAN FUCKIN HAPPEN.  THERE’S A CHANCE HERE THE LAKERS CAN WIN THE FINALS (don’t take this bet)!!!!
  6. Panthers to win the Super Bowl +2000 AND Cam Newton to win MVP +2500.  I just don’t understand.  Those seem WAY off, right?  Can I parlay these two together?  Wait a minute………hold that thought.  ***UPDATE:  JUST KIDDING!!!! WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO THE PANTHERS LAST NIGHT?!?!***
  7. Clemson to win the National Championship +400.  Clemson has a chance to knock off Alabama.  Right now, it’s Alabama/Clemson and the entire NCAA.  Let’s say you don’t think they can.  You think there’s no way this Alabama team loses.  Why not sprinkle some money on Clemson here and hedge your bet vs Clemson?  I don’t believe in hedging; I think it’s a cop out.  I think you should always RIDE YOUR FUTURES OUT, but you have options here.  I can totally see Clemson’s line causing havoc and Trevor Lawrence balling out vs Bama.  That Clemson team isn’t scared of Alabama, and DABO knows he can beat Bama.  Alright before you read on, take a deep breath…you might pass out and we might become millionaires.  CAN WE PARLAY PANTHERS SUPER BOWL – CAM MVP – CLEMSON NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP?!?!  Hold on, I just did the math- it’s $100 to win $272,900?!?!?!  Be right back, I need to call my financial adviser.
  8. Tiger Woods -220 vs Phil Mickelson.  Tiger’s not losing this matchup, just no fuckin way.  Full Alpha Mode Tiger Woods would kill Phil before he loses to him.
  9. Harry and Meghan weight of first child at birth over 8.5 lbs +130.  This is an actual bet offered on Bovada right now.  The average baby weighs 7.8 lbs at birth.  The new royal babies were born weighing 8.6 lbs, 8.3 lbs, and 8.7 lbs.  The newest addition to the family is also the heaviest royal baby to be born in recent years.  Prince William was only 7.2 lbs and Harry was only 6.14 lbs.  You don’t think little bro Harry wants his baby to weigh more than his brother’s babies?!?  That baby is going to be EATING. I’m going with the over. C’mon you fat f***!!!!!!!
  10. Lavar – Kanye 2020 +500.  +500?!?!?! We are all screwed.  Just kidding, totally made that up, but you believed it huh?


Top 10 NBA City Jerseys (as of November 7)

  1. Miami Heat

2. Denver Nuggets

3. Brooklyn Nets

4. Chicago Bulls

5. Minnesota Timberwolves

6. Washington Wizards

7. Milwuakee Bucks

8. Charlotte Hornets

9. Philadelphia 76ers

10. Detroit Pistons


Top 10 Fast Food Items

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  1. In-N-Out Double Double with Grilled Onion (whole)
  2. Chick-Fil-A Spicy Chicken Deluxe Sandwich
  3. Chick-Fil- A Spicy Chicken Strips
  4. Chipotle Bowl
  5. Canes Box Combo
  6. Del Taco Chicken Soft Tacos
  7. Popeyes Spicy Chicken
  8. Subway Chocolate Chip Cookies
  9. McFlurry with Extra Oreos
  10. Wendy’s Chili

Top 10 Underrated Things in Life, in No Particular Order

  1. Waking up without a hangover.  This one might be a little over hyped now, but seriously, is there a better feeling?  This feeling will always be underrated and under-appreciated.  You never appreciate these mornings like you really should.
  2. Not going out on Friday night.  I just worked a full work week and all I want to do on Friday night is go to sleep.  I’m getting way too old.
  3. Rita Ora.  Seriously so underrated.  My top 5 Rita Ora songs:
    1. Your Song
    2. I Will Never Let You Down
    3. Let You Love Me
    4. Anywhere
    5. How We Do (Party)
  4. Chili from Wendy’s.  Don’t knock it til you try it.
  5. Hitting a sports bet EARLY.  Hitting a bet early in the 2nd quarter is an amazing feeling.  There’s no one smarter than you at that moment.
  6. Twitter. I don’t know how people live without Twitter.
  7. Uber.  Can you imagine life without Uber right now?
  8. Venmo. How did people split bills before Venmo?
  9. Wireless headphones. We’re so God damn spoiled.
  10. Devastating sports losses.  It sucks, but everyone needs to go through it.  You need to go through a couple of devastating losses in order to truly appreciate the championships.

Top 10 Overrated Things in Life, in No Particular Order

  2. Avocados.  They’re good, but they’re not THAT GOOD.
  3. Instagram.
  4. Fantasy football “experts”.  Anyone that watches football can be a fantasy football expert.  I could be a damn fantasy football expert if I wanted to.  It’s really not that hard.
  5. New Year’s Eve.  Just another night out with 10 times the expectation.  NYE is always over-hyped for no damn reason.
  6. Turkey.  Ham > turkey.
  7. PAC 12.  I shouldn’t even include them in this because the PAC12 isn’t even rated.  The last PAC12 NCAAF Championship? 2004.  The last PAC12 NCAAB Championship?  1997.  I AM EMBARRASSED.
  8. Game of Thrones. Sucks.  Overrated.  Nerds
  9. Tom Brady “Super Bowl/Clutch Performance” talk.”  What is Brady’s Super Bowl moment?  Here’s what jumps out at me from Brady’s Super Bowl wins:
    • 2002: Tuck rule. Shouldn’t have made the Super Bowl.  16/27 for 145 yards and 1 TD…ok? Vinateri winning FG.
    • 2004: Vinateri winning FG.
    • 2005: Deion Branch game and TO coming back from a broken leg game.
    • 2015:  Seahawks blew it.
    • 2017:  Falcons blew it.

WHERE IS Brady’s Super Bowl/career iconic MOMENT?!?!  Is it the comeback vs the Falcons?  That’s more of a Falcons moment than a Brady moment, right?

New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady (C) takes a hit from Charles Woodson (R) of the Oakland Raiders on a pass attempt in the last two minutes of the game in their AFC playoff 19 January 2002 in Foxboro, Massachusetts. The Patriots won 16-13 in overtime. AFP PHOTO/Matt CAMPBELL ORG XMIT: BOS017

10. Boston Celtics.  ONE title in the last 31 years.

Top 10 Pieces of Advice from How to Be a Man, in No Particular Order

  1. Never stay out after midnight three nights in a row … unless something really good comes up on the third night.
  2. Join Twitter; become your own curator of information.
  3. Never date an ex of your friend.
  4. When the bartender asks, you should already know what you want to drink.
  5. People are tired of you being the funny, drunk guy.
  6. You probably use your cell phone too often and at the wrong moments.
  7. Staying angry is a waste of energy.
  8. Ignore the boos. They usually come from the cheap seats.
  9. Don’t gamble if losing $100 is going to piss you off.
  10. Start every cell conversation with ‘my phone’s about to die’ so people don’t waste your time.
  11. You don’t have to like baseball, but you should understand the concept of what a pitcher’s ERA means. Approach life similarly.

Top 10 Instagram Girls to Follow, According to @nolanimamura

  1. Helen Owen
  2. Sofia Jamora
  3. Dominique Elissa
  4. Hailey Baldwin
  5. Camila Morrone
  6. Anna Herrin
  7. Hannah Palmer
  8. Roosmarijn de Kok
  9. Olivia Culpo
  10. Danielle Grace

Whew, that was tough.  My picks for Week 10 in bold:

Lions (+6) at Bears

Taking the Bears here is a sucker’s pick and I”ll tell you why.

Reason 1:  Look at the Bears’ wins this season:  Seahawks, Cardinals, Bucs, Jets, and Bills!  They have a combined record of 14-28.

Reason 2:  IF the Bears do take care of business, this has all the makings for a back-door cover game.

Reason 3:  Mitchell Trubisky.  I’m taking the Lions +6.

Saints at Bengals (+4.5)

Ooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhh this is my upset alert pick of the week.  Cincinnati has a high of 46 degrees on Sunday.  That’s not COLD, but for a dome team from New Orleans, that’s pretty cold.  The Saints are also coming off a big win vs the Rams last weekend and they just signed Dez Bryant.  My Dez Bryant odds for this weekend:

  • Dez Bryant TD +110
  • Over 100 yards +5000
  • Meltdown -250
  • Dropped pass -500
  • Comes out in a Cowboys uniform -800

PS:  That Michael Thomas TD celebration was fantastic. 10/10.

Falcons (-3.5) at Browns

Why is this line only Falcons -3.5??  Let’s take a deep dive.  Queue the Inspector Gadget music!  Ok, I’m done. I can’t figure out why the Falcons are only -3.5!!  I know the Browns are at home and you never want to bet against the home dogs, but these are the Browns we’re talking about!  Am I a sucker for taking the Falcons -3.5??  Yes, but the Falcons need to win this game.  They can’t afford to drop games they’re supposed to win anymore.

Patriots (-6) at Titans

I have one rule when I gamble: never bet against Alabama and never bet against the Patriots.  I just don’t do it. I’ve been burned way too many times.  Am I confident the Patriots will cover this spread vs the Titans?  No, because the last time Belichick went against one of his former coaches, the Patriots got burned.  Vrabel vs Belicheck.  Brady vs Mariota.  I’m taking the Patriots for those reasons.

Jaguars (+3) at Colts

The Jaguars are coming off a bye week they DESPERATELY needed.  The Jaguars are 3-5, but look at the rest of their schedule:

  • at Colts
  • home vs Steelers
  • at Bills
  • home vs Colts
  • at Titans
  • home vs Redskins
  • at Miami
  • at Houston

The Jaguars can be the second half team of this season, rip through that schedule, and go 6-2 to finish the season at 9-7.  9-7 might be enough to win the division.  Can you name another Colts WR besides TY Hilton?   I can’t.  Can you name a single Colts defensive player?  I can’t.

Cardinals at Chiefs (-17)

-17?!?!?!  I don’t think I’ve ever seen a team in the NFL lay 17 points.  I need to double check this because there’s no way an NFL team is favored by 17 points.  Ok I lied, it’s Chiefs -16.  Can we really take the Chiefs -16 effin points here?  We have to right?  Especially since it’s at home.  Especially since it’s vs the Cardinals.

Bills (+8) at Jets

Oh God, what a game.  If the Bills and Jets combined teams and we called them the New York Bills, what would their record be?  They would be a playoff team right?  I don’t think the Jets are 8 points better than the Bills, but fuckin Nate Peterman is their starting QB.  Darnold is going to miss this game with a foot injury which mean that the Jets are firing up a 69-year-old Josh McCown this week.  I can’t believe I’m doing this, but 8 points is too much.  Take the points when you don’t know.  I’ll take the Bills, gulp.  Is this the worst game in NFL history?

Redskins at Buccaneers (PK)

Bucs at home for the following reason:

Chargers (-10) at Raiders

Feels like one of these types of games – 1st Quarter Summary:

  • Melvin Gordon to the left for 12 yard TOUCHDOWN run
  • Derek Carr 14 yard pass -INTERCEPTED
  • Melvin Gordon to the right for 6 yard TOUCHDOWN run
  • Derek Carr 7 yard pass – INTERCEPTED
  • Melvin Gordon up the middle for 4 yard TOUCHDOWN run

Dolphins at Packers (-7.5)

If you’re a Packers fan, aren’t you QUIETLY kind of worried about this team?  Your three wins are against the Bears, Bills, and 49ers.  If the Packers lose this game, Mike McCarthy is fired.  But there’s just no way an Aaron Rodgers team loses to a Brock Osweiler team.  Just no way A-Rodg lets that happen.  This might be the game Packers fans go from, “Should we fire Mike McCarthy” to “We need to fire Mike McCarthy”.

Seahawks at Rams (-9.5)


Cowboys at Eagles (-6)

It’s unbelievable how badly the Cowboys fucked this up.  It’s no secret that underpaid quarterbacks on rookie contracts have become the most important building block in the NFL.  The Cowboys had that and more in Dak Prescott who earned roughly half of what the Cowboys were paying their punter.  The Cowboys Super Bowl window looked MASSIVE after their 13-3 season in 2016.  They had the best line in football and two of the youngest stars at the QB and RB positions.  But the 2016 Cowboys team couldn’t feel farther away.  They failed to surround Dak with anybody who could be considered a weapon in the passing game, Jason Garrett remains the Cowboys’ coach,  and Jerry Jones continues to treat the Cowboys like they’re Super Bowl contenders.

What’s next for the Cowboys?  Will they get rid of Jason Garrett?  What will they do with Prescott, who is eligible for an extension after this season?  What about their defense?  What about that potential top 10 draft pick they traded away for Amari Cooper?  Will Jerry Jones get out of the way?  The Cowboys are a dumpster fire right now.

Eagles -6?!?!?!  I don’t like this bet, I FUCKIN LOVE IT.  Here’s the thing- Vegas set this odd at 6 to sucker all the stupid Cowboys fans into this bet.  “Hey we’re getting six points vs the Eagles?  We always play the Eagles TOUGH!  We’re Division rivals!”  That’s what every Cowboys fan thinks of this line.  Sean Lee is out for the Cowboys this weekend, shocker I know.  Ezekiel Elliiot only has THREE rushing touchdowns this year, including ONE in the past six weeks.  Jason Garrett is still the Cowboys’ coach.  Jerry Jones is still the Cowboys’ owner.  What else do you need?  I think the Eagles win by at least two touchdowns at home on Sunday Night Football.

Giants at 49ers (-2.5)

Coin flip: heads I go Giants, tails I go Niners.  It’s heads, alright Niners it is.

Last week: 5-5 (12-11 overall)

Do They Bleed?….They Will

The NCAA equivalent of opening day for the basketball season has come and gone and while most of the ranked teams spent their first game beating up on schools who’s Dean also doubles as the “swipes guy” in the cafeteria, the Champions Classic gave us some games we could actually enjoy watching. Kansas and Michigan State was a great game that wasn’t as close as the score would have you believe, and while Bill Self and the boys showcased a very solid and deep team that proved why they were the preseason number one ranked team, they were not the talk of the town. No, everyone is currently in awe of the snuff film that was aired on a Disney network disguised as Duke vs Kentucky. Beating the Wildcats by 30+ points and being in control of the game from start to finish has just about everyone wondering if this is the greatest college team ever assembled. To those people I say “easy there Pete Davidson” there’s such a thing as jumping the gun and a lot of people have up and done it without the season being underway for a full 24 hours. The game between Duke and Kentucky showed a lot about both the Wildcats and the Blue Devils but what most people missed is how last night’s blowout of the second best team in the state of Kentucky actually laid out the blueprint to bring down the proverbial Goliath of Durham North Carolina.

          Let’s start with Kentucky, it’s finally happened, the formula that John Calipari has been using for the past decade has been used against him. Yesterday Calipari came to the realization that he no longer is the revolutionary who carries the burden of embracing the one and done alone. Everyone is doing it, and this year it is looking like Coach K might have done a better Calipari impersonation that John Calipari. This is definitely not going to be a year where Cal can just roll out the basketballs in practice and let them scrimmage and play 3 on 2, 2 on 1 all day. Cal is always hoping for a season where he can have this type of practice schedule and run through the SEC like Dash Parr; but in order to do that he has always needed one thing, and that is THE top recruiting class. Anything less and his formula collapses on itself. LeBron put it best with his “…not two, not three, not four…” the same goes for Coach Cal in recruiting. In order for him to have a team where the casual fan is calling him the greatest coach ever he needs to have the absolute top recruiting class bar none.
The second area that was concerning was defense, I am aware what they were up against from a defensive standpoint but there were still some major issues with how they were going about playing their matchups. Their defensive woes last night were eerily reminiscent to what we saw from Duke last year when they were at the nadir of their defensive competency. There was a lack luster attempt to switch to zone in the last 7 minutes of the game which had Calipari looking like vintage 2017 Dwane Casey in the adjustments department, but that was to no avail also. Overall Kentucky was a mess on the defensive end and it showed on the scoreboard.
The craziest thing that the Wildcats had us endure last night was without question the ridiculous shot selection by some of the Kentucky players. I don’t know if someone told Tyler Herro that he is the second coming of Jesus in the form of a shoot first point guard but whatever they did they need to take it back. There were other areas within the offense that weren’t taken advantage of because of some of the outrageously quick and deep shots that were taken by some of the guards last night. And as I have always preached to my players, a bad shot is the first pass in the other teams break. There was an egregious amount of “Herro Ball” being played that brought back Pangos PTSD and hopefully Cal has plans on addressing this issue. There are guys that the offense can be properly ran through and Herro ain’t it.
Now with all those issues coming to the front burner there still is no real need for concern if you are a Wildcat fan. This year will be very similar to last season in the sense that they aren’t going to reach their full potential until late January early February. Their record will also be better than it was last year as there is a good amount of talent on the team. Guys like EJ Montgomery and Quade Green are going to come into their own as the year progresses and be big time players when SEC play hits. And let’s not forget about the biggest addition to their team this year, Reid Travis. This Stanford player who grad transferred to Kentucky is a grown man on the low block. Frustratingly enough the team didn’t get him involved in the game as early as they should have and it played a part in the early deficit. He will without question be one of the top forwards in the SEC this year and be a key part to the success Kentucky sees during the season. So as much as it pains me to say it, even with what seems like an embarrassing loss, Kentucky faithful shouldn’t come away from this too worried.

          On to the team that had everyone ready to crown a champion after literally only 80 minutes of nationally televised college basketball. Without question the four Freshman for Duke (Williamson, Barrett, Reddish, Jones) looked outstanding in their season opener last night. Zion and R.J. both broke the record for most points by a freshman in a season debut (25) with 28 and 33 points respectively. Tre Jones looked like a veteran point guard and probably had a few people thinking they were watching Tyus back on the court for his Alma mater. Zion, R.J. and Cam also showed just how K is looking to position the three of them on the court at the same time. All three are technically forwards and the question was how were they going to effectively place them on the floor. This year we can expect to see a good amount of 4 and 5 out from Duke to allow for the four freshmen to be set up for success on the offensive end. Getting to the basket was a strength of this group against Kentucky and it will more than likely be the focus of the team all year. They did a great job drawing fouls around the rim and hitting open shooters from outside the arc later in the game. Coach K spoke before the season started about the emphasis of hitting open spot up 3’s and it was definitely showcased against the Wildcats. Defensively the team looked extremely better compared to any point of last year’s team. It is clear Coach K saw the issues he ran into last year having so many freshmen on the defensive end and was not about to have the same problem two years in a row. All in all the Blue Devils played extremely well against an opponent that seemed to not be totally prepared or in a groove as a team.
All back patting aside, while this was a great showcase of what Duke can look like in a world run by Walgreen’s, they also tipped us off to what their weaknesses are. As a coach in any sport when you have a chance to scout a team your goal is going to be to take away the things a team does well and exploit the things they don’t. Last night Kentucky played into Duke’s hand by jumping on-board with turning the game into a track meet. With players like Barrett and Zion fast break points are their specialty and playing in transition is where they are most comfortable. To no fault of Calipari’s his thought process was obviously “I invented the one and done, run and gun game” and that is what he has and will continue to practice as long as this phenomenon is a part of college basketball. It just so happens that Duke is better at it and it cost Kentucky a chance at making the game respectable. When Kentucky was able to cut into the lead (slightly) about 5 minutes before halftime they were able to do so because they slowed the game down. One area that Coach K seemed to be trying to avoid lingering in too long was the half court offense. They showed off some quick hitters  but what they showed offensively was not built for any extended period of time in the half court set. When teams don’t fall into the trap of playing the Duke pace of basketball and slow the game down the young Blue Devil team could run into some problems with the amount of variety in their offense.
The shot selection for Duke was also a point of interest. As we talked about this team is going to be all in on getting to the basket and looking for open spot up shots on the outside. Things were definitely going their way against the Wildcat defense and we got to see just how skilled this team is when they can get to the basket and when they are left open on the perimeter. The game that was neglected and often is by players and teams in today’s NCAA is the mid-range game. There weren’t too many mid-range shots taken and it was clear that there was an attempt to avoid having them taken at all. There seems to be an attempt to shift to the D’Antoni school of thought of layups and threes under Coach K this year and while that works in the NBA it can be a weakness at the college level.
Looking at the pace this team wants to play at and the shots they want to take there are a few teams in the ACC that can already be put down as problems for this Duke team. This is purely from the fact that the culture that has been built at these programs directly conflicts with what this Duke team wants to do and those teams are Virginia and Syracuse. Virginia without question is the best defensive team in the country and one thing they do better than anyone else is prevent easy buckets and slow offenses down. Virginia leads the NCAA in most games holding a team under 50 pts, has had numerous games where they have went into halftime and their opponent has only scored 20 or less, and bring the overall pace of the game to an almost monotonous crawl (and it’s beautiful). The shot selection and pace that Duke is going to be looking for will be off the table against Tony Bennett’s veteran squad and his team has the size and physicality to go along with what Duke is planning to dish out. Guys like Kyle Guy, Ty Jerome and Jack Salt are not going to be easy matchups for this young team as they have a wealth of experience under their belt and have proven they can defend the best freshmen in the country time and time again. The same issue comes when looking at Syracuse as last time I checked Jim Boeheim still runs the nastiest 2-3 zone in the college game. The problem with Boeheim’s 2-3 is that it is different than the average 2-3 zone you might see team’s run and can be categorized like the option in football when it comes to planning for it. When you coach football and you know you have a game coming up against a team that runs the option the benefit your opponent has is the fact that you can’t properly prepare for it in a week’s time. You know it, your opponent knows it, and you end up just throwing some things together to try and deal with it as best you can. Coaching against Boeheim’s 2-3 is no different and for a young team it has proven to be a culture shock when seeing a 2-3 that shatters all the stereotypes of the lazy nonathletic tags that are associated with zone defenses. As everyone knows, especially Coach Boeheim, the best way to beat his style 2-3 is with mid-range shots in the gaps of the defense via ball movement. These shots are going to have to be quick because their ability to close out on shooters in unprecedented, and they aren’t going to come without a bit of work so there will need to be some offense ran to get those small windows of opportunity. Returning all 5 starters this defense is fresh off a very nice tournament run and is going to pick up right where they left off defensively. Duke will have to find a way to get shots on a defense that wants you to show off your basketball IQ and run some offense then take shots from the mid-range area.

Some will take this as Duke hate and to them I say go pull the legs off a spider. This team has clearly got some great talent in their starting group and it is going to be fun watching them play. Watching a team force a spectacle like that down an improperly ranked Kentucky’s throat is not the time to be swooning over how great and perfect the team is. That is the time to break down the film and see what areas can this dubbed NCAA super power be attacked. This team is without question going to do well this year but don’t have your lip stuck out when there are some growing pains come conference play. The ACC is arguably the best conference in basketball and these teams are not about to bow down without solid preparation and a good fight. Similar to when Batman fought Superman his first question was famously “Do you bleed? You Will.” Plenty of teams are going to come to their game feeling like Batman in his Kryptonite laced suit. It is going to be great to see how teams game plan for Duke this year but I can guarantee you that the teams that have the most success will be taking advantage of the things that they showed and didn’t show in their opener in Indianapolis.



NFL Week 9 Picks: Power Rankings

I’ll be honest with you, I hate movies.  Movies stink.  I’ve seen MAYBE 10 movies in theaters in the past ten years.  They’re just WAY too long for me, and I don’t like freezing my ass off in some shitty seat at the theaters.

But for some reason, people effin love movie quotes.  People rattle off movie quotes all the time and I usually have no idea what they’re saying or what they’re referring to.  It’s honestly a gift.  That’s why I had to google “top 100 movie quotes of all time” to help me with this column.  I’ve seen MAYBE three movies on this list. If you’ve seen more than 20 movies on this list, you need to get a life.

It’s Week 9 of the NFL season.  We’re already halfway through the season.  I just had a mini panic attack thinking about it.  These are my power rankings following Week 8, along with a movie quote for each team:

32. Oakland Raiders: “After all, tomorrow is another day.” – Gone with the Wind

Three picks in the first round of next year’s draft.  It’s so obvious what the Raiders are trying to do- they’re tanking now and hoping they can LOAD up for their first season in Vegas.  Expectations are HIGH after what the Golden Knights did in Vegas their first year.  Where can I get “Gruden won’t make it to Vegas” odds?  I consider myself a “next coach to get fired” EXPERT after my Hue pick.  I have odds at +200 right now.

31. NY Giants: “You can’t handle the truth!” – A Few Good Men

You can’t handle the truth, you’re an absolute dumpster fire.  The Giants are ass; no other way to put it.  I’m sorry.  What if  I told you 6/8 games have been decided by seven points or less though?  Maybe the Giants aren’t that bad?  HAHAHAHA yea right.

30. San Francisco 49ers: “Well, here’s another nice mess you’ve gotten me into!” – Sons of the Desert

Poor Kyle Shanahan.  Remember everyone’s “dark horse pick” at the start of the season?  The ridiculous “Are the 49ers the Best Team in the NFC West” headline from the Mercury News?  I know, Jimmy GQ got hurt, but that was silly.  Stay woke though- another high draft pick and next year people can double down on their “dark horse” 49ers pick.

29. Arizona Cardinals: “Here’s looking at you, kid.” – Casablanca

The Rosen One. The kid’s looked alright so far.  I am going to ride with Josh Rosen til I die.  I will die on Julius Randle Hill and Josh Rosen Hill.  The Cardinals are going to use this year to see what they have in Josh Rosen.  They’re 2-6 and both their wins came against the 49ers.  If both teams are tied for the worst record at the end of the season, the Cardinals should get the first pick.  Wait, I have a brilliant idea- what if they played for the first pick?!  Winner gets the first pick. It can be the Thursday night game before the playoffs start.  This might be my best idea ever.

28. Buffalo Bills: “What a dump.” – Beyond the Forest

Seriously, what a dump.

27. NY Jets: “Sawyer, you’re going out a youngster, but you’ve got to come back a star!” – 42nd Street

It’s all about Darnold, but the Jets are a SNEAKY 3-5 right now.  Can they finish the year .500?  It’s possible.


Week 10: home vs Buffalo

Week 12: home vs New England

Week 13: at Tennessee

Week 14: at Buffalo

Week 15: home vs Houston

Week 16: home vs Packers

Week 17: at New England

I’m not saying it’s going to happen, but they have a chance.

26. Cleveland Browns: “Mother of mercy, is this the end of Rico?” – Little Caesar

The end of Hue….. it finally happened.  I am legit upset. Thanks for the memories, Hue.  We’ll miss you.  It’s the end of Hue Jackson in the NFL but the start of ESPN Huey.  Sometimes we need to go backward before we can go forward.

25. Tampa Bay Buccaneers: “Listen to me, mister. You’re my knight in shining armor. Don’t you forget it. You’re going to get back on that horse, and I’m going to be right behind you, holding on tight, and away we’re gonna go, go, go!” – On Golden Pond

FITZMAGIC IS BACK!!!!!!  Winston threw four interceptions vs the Bengals last weekend, and the Bucs should be done with him.  Fitzmagic went 2-1 during Winston’s suspension and he’s back in action this Sunday.  HE IS TAMPA’S knight in shining armor.  NOW GET BACK ON THE HORSE!

24. Denver Broncos: “Fasten your seatbelt, it’s going to be a bumpy ride.” – All About Eve

The Broncos won the Super Bowl three years ago.  Doesn’t that Super Bowl feel like it was 10 years ago?  $36 million for two years on Case Keenum was RIDICULOUS.  They should have never legalized marijuana in Denver.  When does Elway get fired?

23. Miami Dolphins: “There’s no place like home.” – The Wizard of OZ

3-1 at home and 1-3 on the road.  The Miami nightlife stays undefeated, man.

22. Jacksonville Jaguars: “You don’t understand! I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I could’ve been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am.” – On the Waterfront

Ohhhhhhhhhhh boy.  The poor Jags. What the hell happened??  They’re 3-5, last in the division, and Blake Bortles is still their QB.  In the past four games, their “defense” has given up a total of 114 points for an average of 32 points per game!  The Jags were ONE BLOWN CALL away from the Super Bowl last year.  This isn’t talked about enough.  The refs cheated the Jags.  Why wasn’t Myles Jack allowed to return this ball back??

Can the defense get their mojo back?  Can Blake be better than Blake?  Will Leonard Fournette play football this year?

21. Tennessee Titans: “Why don’t you come up sometime and see me?” – She Done Him Wrong

Grow a pair of balls and sit at the big boy table.  Mariota has been OK his whole career; the Titans have been OK the past ten years.  3-4 this year after starting the year 3-1.  C’mon, it’s time for the Titans to step up.

20. Dallas Cowboys: “I’m going to make him an offer he can’t refuse.” – The Godfather

A first-round pick for Amari Cooper.  I can’t fuckin get over it.  Imagine Jerry Jones just getting pissed the fuck off because the Raiders won’t deal him Amari Cooper.  He then finally screams, “I’M GOING TO MAKE HIM AN OFFER HE CANT REFUSE!  FIRST ROUND-PICK FOR AMARI COOPER!!!!!”  I’m 100% positive that’s exactly how it happened.

19. Atlanta Falcons: “I’ll be back.” – The Terminator

They’ll be back.  People assumed the Falcons were dead after their 1-4 start, but they’ve won 2 straight and they’re still alive.  Dead, but they’re breathing.  Next three games:  at Washington, at Cleveland, and home vs Dallas.  The Falcons can be 6-4 heading into their showdown with the Saints on Thanksgiving night.

18. Detroit Lions: “My mama always said, life is like a box of chocolates.” – Forrest Gump

You never know what’s going to happen next with the Lions.  I mentioned this in last week’s picks, but look at their wins compared to their losses.  Makes no sense at all.  But guess what?  They’re 5-2 ATS- second best in the league!  How is that possible?

17. Seattle Seahawks: “One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I don’t know.” – Animal Crackers

The Seahawks are 4-3 this year.  And with that roster, I have no idea how.  After starting the year 0-2, they are 4-1 in their last five.  But look at Seattle’s ROS.  They still have games vs the Rams, Packers, Panthers, Vikings, and Chiefs.  YIKES.

16. Chicago Bears:I’m the King of the world!” – Titanic

The Bears are in FIRST place of the NFC North!!!!  They’re the King of the NFC NORTH!


15. Indianapolis Colts: “Cinderella story. Outta nowhere. A former greenskeeper, now, about to become the Masters champion. It looks like a mirac…It’s in the hole! It’s in the hole! It’s in the hole!” – Caddyshack

Andrew Luck is back and it’s a miracle!!!  The AFC South is an absolute shitstorm and any of the four teams in that division can win the division.  Why not the team with the best QB?

14. Washington Redskins:Yo Adrian!” – Rocky

YO ADRIAN PETERSON WTF.  WELCOME BACK!!!  33 years old and coming off a season-high 149 rushing yards on 26 carries, including a 64 yard TD.   He’s fifth in the NFL with 587 rushing yards and ranks third in the league with 279 rushing yards after first contact.

YO ADRIAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

13. Houston Texans: “Oh, Jerry, don’t let’s ask for the moon. We have the stars.” – Now, Voyager

Deshaun Watson.  STAR.

Deandre Hopkins.  DOUBLE STAR.

JJ Watt. STAR.

Jadeveon Clowney. Half a star??

Maybe “Houston, we have a problem” would’ve been a better pick here, but that’s just too fuckin corny.

12. Green Bay Packers: “Today, I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the Earth.” – The Pride of the Yankees

That’s how every man should feel in the Packers organization.  Mike Mccarthy is the luckiest man on earth.  Rodgers has saved his ass so many times I can’t even keep track of it.  What are the odds McCarthy gets fired at the end of the season?  Can I place a bet on that?  I consider myself a “which coach will get fired” savant now.

11. Cincinnati Bengals: “Plastics.” – The Graduate

Plastics.  Fake good team.  It happens every year with the Bengals.  They make the postseason by one game or miss the postseason by one game.  Never a serious threat.  Plastics.  They still have games AT Baltimore, AT Cleveland, and AT Pittsburgh.  Those AFC North divison games are tough, especially away from home.

10. Philadelphia Eagles: “Snap out of it!” – Moonstruck

Super Bowl hangover, it happens.  Can the Eagles snap out of it and find their groove by December, or will they ride this hangover into the off-season?  Carson Wentz looks good again, by the way.

9. Baltimore Ravens: “It’s alive! It’s alive!” – Frankenstein

The Ravens defense is alive and it’s back.  Joe Flacco looks decent- highest rating since 2014!  Are the Ravens back???

8. Pittsburgh Steelers: “Show me the money!” – Jerry Maguire

SHOW Le’veon the money!!!! Actually, don’t.  Screw Le’veon.  SHOW JAMES CONNOR THE FUCKIN MONEY!!!!!

7. L.A. Chargers: “Is it safe?” – Marathon Man

Is it safe to label the Chargers a good team?  Are we 100% they’re a good team?  Is it really safe?  The Chargers are 5-2 and their two losses came to the Rams and Chiefs (both losses were by double digits).  Their 5 wins came against the Bills, 49ers, Raiders, Browns, and Titans who have a combined record of 8-28-1.  I don’t think it’s safe to label the Chargers as a legit team, YET.

6. Minnesota Vikings: “Wait a min wait a min you ain’t heard nothing yet.” – The Jazz Singer

Is this too high for a team that’s 4-3-1?  Yes, but I’m telling you the Vikings are going to be there at the end of the season.  They’ve missed their best defensive player for pretty much the entire game and they’ve been crushed by injuries.  Just look at last week’s game vs the Saints:


RB: Latavius Murray for Dalvin Cook

LG: Danny Isidora for Tom Compton

LT: Rashod Hill for Riley Reiff

RT: Brian O’Neill for Rashod Hill


LB: Eric Wilson for Anthony Barr

CB: Holton Hill for Xavier Rhodes

S: George Iloka for Andrew Sendejo

Are you kidding me?  Two of their three losses came to the two best teams in the NFL- Rams and Saints.  Let’s not even talk about the Bills game cause who the fuck knows what happened there.  When and IF this Vikings team gets healthy, look out.

5. Carolina Panthers: “Say hello to my little friend.” – Scarface

Cam went out and just dominated the best defense in the league.  21/29 for 219 yards and 2 touchdowns and 52 rushing yards for 1 TD.  Cam Newton is playing like an MVP again but better.  He has more touchdowns, fewer interceptions, and a higher completion percentage through seven games than he did in his MVP season in 2015.  He’s also the best dressed player in the NFL.  Drip drip drip.

And say hello to Cam’s little friend, Christian McCaffrey is averaging nearly 20 touches per game for the Panthers…. and DJ Moore might turn into something.  Keep sleeping on the Panthers.

4. New England Patriots: “Round up the usual suspects.” – Casablanca

It’s honestly bullshit.  Patrtiots are always in the cut because of Brady, Belichick, and being in the worst division in sports.  It’s the perfect recipe.  The Patriots are luckier than New Orleans in the fact that Drew Brees didn’t sign with the Dolphins.  FACTS.

3. Kansas City Chiefs: “My mother thanks you. My father thanks you. My sister thanks you. And I thank you.” – Yankee Doodle Dandy

7-1 ATS.  The Chiefs are 7-1 against the spread. Absolutely bonkers.  That’s why my mother thanks them, my father thanks them, my sister thanks them, I thank them, and my bank account thanks them.  I’ve been riding the Chiefs all year and I’m going to ride them til I get burned.  If it ain’t broke, dont fix it.  THANK YOU KANSAS CITY.

Fantasy Football Rankings:

QB: Pat Mahomes: QB 1

RB: Kareem Hunt: RB 6

WR: Tyreke Hill: WR 2

TE: Travis Kelce: TE 2

EVERYONE, say thank you to the Chiefs.

2. New Orleans Saints: “Well, nobody’s perfect.” – Some Like it Hot

After an 0-2 0-1 start, the Saints look like the team we all expected them to be.  They showed up for what was supposed to be a big time game on Sunday night at Minnesota (it really wasn’t).  Saints next four games:  home vs Rams, at Cincinnati, home vs the Eagles, and home vs the Falcons. If they can go 3-1 there, look out.

1. L.A. Rams: “Made it ma, top of the world!” – White Heat

The Rams are the best team in football.  They made it, they made it to the top of the world.  Now it’s all about staying at the top of the world.  Can the Rams go 16-0?  Why the fuck not?  The only thing that can stop the Rams right now is some stupid injury *knock on wood* and Marcus Peters.  Kidding, I love you Marcus Peters.  You can get burned all year as long as you make a play in the playoffs. I BE-LIE-VE IN YOU!

My Picks for Week 9:

Chiefs (-8.5) at Browns

The Browns don’t even have a real coach.  Oh wait….


Chiefs in a BLOW OUT.  Gregg Williams is such an idiot.

Jets at Dolphins (-3)

Miami nightlife doesn’t lose.  Riding with the Dolphins and Brock Osweiler.  What a mistake.

Lions at Vikings (-6.5)

DEEEEEETROOOOOOIT BASKETBALL. I just felt like typing and saying that.  Taking the Lions and the points.  I don’t trust the Vikings- YET.

Falcons at Redskins (-2.5)

Redskins are a QUIET 5-2 this season.  Taking the R words -2.5 at home vs the Falcons.

Buccaneers at Panthers (-5.5)

FITZMAGIC is back. I can’t bet against him, can I?  This feels like a trap, funky NFC South game.  Panthers are coming off a big win vs Baltimore, it’s a division game, and they have a Thursday night game vs the Steelers next week.  I’m taking the points and Fitz.

Steelers at Ravens (-3)

Ravens won the first meeting between the two teams, so I’m taking the Steelers here.

Texans at Broncos (Pick ’em)

Demayrius Thomas revenge game!  How funny is it that he got traded to the Texans yesterday and they play this weekend?  Taking the Texans and the DT juju.

Chargers at Seahawks (-2.5)

Oh GOD, is it SAFE?!?!?  Is it safe to take the Chargers here?!  My brain says yes but my heart is telling me no.  This has such a classic, “Chargers are good this year but they’ll lose this game” feel to it.  BUT I’M RIDING WITH THE CHARGERS AND THE POINTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rams at Saints (-2.5)

Rams.  Rams all day.  If the Rams win this game, I am booking my flight to the Super Bowl.

Packers at Patriots (-6.5)

Brady vs Rodgers.  We heard it all week.  Give me the points with Aaron Rodgers.  Going to throw all over that Patriots defense. Fuck the Patriots.

Last Week: 7-6

Meet the Five Who Are Going To Make West Coast Basketball Relevant

          It’s no secret, when it comes to west coast games few outside of the Pacific time zone are staying up to watch these teams play. The sad thing is this is to no fault of even the most dedicated college basketball fans. Outside of Gonzaga, Arizona, Saint Mary’s College and (I guess) Oregon few teams are putting out a product that is worth staying up past your bedtime to check out. It doesn’t help that the local enthusiasm for college basketball isn’t too much better. California in particular is great with their professional teams and college football but when it comes to college basketball there is a distinct drop-off in interest. The teams mentioned earlier are the teams that are going to have to carry the load and get people in the state and around the country to get excited about west coast basketball, but there are also some individual players who are going to give everyone a reason to stay in the loop with west coast hoops. These five guys are a mix of everything, big name freshmen coming onto the NCAA scene, contributing players who will see a bigger role in the upcoming year and returning stars that might be in their last year of college basketball. All of these players will give the college basketball junkies of the world enough of a reason to throw back an energy shot and stay up for those late night matchups.

Elijah Weaver – USC
Elijah Weaver is an incoming freshman that is slated to be a huge contributor for the USC Trojans in the 2018 season. At 6’5” and 200 lbs this four star recruit is expected to compliment the Trojans’ other top back court recruit. Averaging 23 points and 9 assists in his senior year the Trojans are expecting this top 50 player to help jump start the team’s offense both in and out of the PAC-12. The only caveat is that we all will have to wait a little bit longer to see this big guard take the floor, back in August Weaver had surgery on his left ankle and is expected to miss around a month of the season. The coaches are confident that as he rehabs and gets back into playing shape that he will be able to hit the ground running once he is cleared to play.

Bol Manute Bol – Oregon
Bol Bol is the one big man everyone was waiting to see play at the college level and it came to somewhat of a surprise when he chose Oregon. Ranked 4th in the nation Bol stands at a whopping 7’3” with a 7’8” wingspan. This shouldn’t be too much of a surprise as he is the son of NBA star Manute Bol, the 7’7” center from the mid 80’s and 90’s who played for teams like Washington and Golden State. The rim protection of the Ducks this year is expected to be on level 99 as Bol will probably not run into anyone his size all year. He doesn’t necessarily have too much weight on him so his height might be countered by a center with some girth to him. Needless to say it is going to be worth seeing how someone the height of a small U-Haul truck fairs in today’s game. Whether or not he can be dominant to the point he spends only one year in Oregon is something we will have to just wait and find out

Rui Hachimura – Gonzaga
The 6’8” Japanese born forward is one that has intrigued many who have followed Gonzaga basketball the past couple of years. Hachimura is a prime example of someone you can expect to see have a drastically increased role going into this year. Last season he contributed on average 12 points and 5 rebounds. These are the numbers that you can expect to see go up as you see the offense go through him at times. Shooting 80% from the free throw line Mark Few is definitely going to be looking to get Hachimura to the line as many times as possible. Gonzaga is notorious for pulling great players out of a hat and this year Rui is going to be it.

Kris Wilkes – UCLA
Kris Wilkes coming back is great news for UCLA, not having Shareef as they had initially planned was a big hit for the team and having Wilkes return for his sophomore season will give some stability to the team’s roster. Averaging 14 points and 5 rebounds and shooting 35% from three, we can expect Wilkes to increase not only those numbers but also his assist numbers as well. The reason being Wilkes is looking to improve his game enough to get his draft stock where he believes it should be. He worked out for a few teams this past off-season before the draft and wasn’t necessarily pleased with where he was projected to go so he chose to return to improve that projection. “I see myself as a 1st round talent. If the teams don’t think so, I’ll go back to school, I’ll kill it and there won’t be (any) option about it next year.” . Wilkes has big plans for himself so we can look to see if he is going to be able to hold himself to it in a conference that is set up for him to be successful.

Martin – Nevada
The biggest draw that is going to have us all tuning into games on the west coast this year is because of not one but TWO players out in Nevada who are going to make things happen all season long starting from day one; and it’s none other than Caleb and Cody Martin. The Martin twins averaged a combined 33 points  11 rebounds and 8 assists in their junior year at Nevada. They also were a two man wrecking crew during their sweet sixteen tournament run this past season. Going into the 2018-2019 season Nevada is going to have a wealth of senior leadership coming from these two  as well as Jordan Caroline, this trio with the young talent that they will mentor is going to create an a juggernaut in the Mountain West. The good news is this team will hopefully get a decent number of prime time games and the nation will get to see firsthand just how dominant the Martin twins are. If you’re one of those people who only likes to watch college basketball games with future pros playing, then these two are right up your alley.

Image result for Nevada martin twins

Get excited because college basketball is almost here and for all those looking for a reason to tune in to those late night games your prayers have finally been answered. Get your popcorn ready because it’s about to be a show out west.

NFL Week 8 Picks: How I Won the Mega Millions Last Night

5 – 28 – 62 – 65 – 70 – 5

Those five numbers fucked me last night.  Six stupid ping pong balls just changed someone’s life FOREVER.  I’ll admit, I’m a sucker.  My friends and I fell for the trap.  We’re balls deep, and the lottery has us by our balls.  I might as well be a ping pong ball now.  We went and bought Mega Million tickets this past week.  What a bunch of suckers.  But c’mon, it was stupid not to.  1 BILLION DOLLARS?!?! The odds of winning the jackpot?  1 in 302,575,250.  The Bills, Cardinals, and 49ers all have 5000 – 1 odds to win the Super bowl this year.  5000 – 1!!!!!  You literally have no shot at winning the lottery.

Am I a sucker?  Yes.  Will I win?  Probably not (more on this later), but it’s the best $10 investment out there.  It’s worth every dollar.  Hell, I would pay $10 for one ticket.  $10 for a SHOT at $1 billion?!  Are you kidding me? Get out of town.  I get what you are thinking, 1 in 302,575,250. I’m literally throwing money away.  But I wasn’t raised that way.  I wasn’t raised to quit before I tried.  I was raised to be bold, raised to take chances-  I was raised to take risks!  I have a CHANCE at $1 billion effin dollars?  Are you kidding me?!?!  Sign me the eff up.  Seriously, why wouldn’t I try?!  You have to at least give it a shot.  I’m not going to lie,  I was COCKY going into the lottery.  I was feeling it.  I thought we were going to win last night.  I thought my life was going to change.  I even googled “what to do after you win the lottery.”  I WAS FEELING COCKY AND CONFIDENT.  I legit thought I was going to win 1 BILLION DOLLARS LAST NIGHT.

Obviously, I didn’t win because I’m here writing this stupid blog.

The $10 investment is worth every dollar and I’ll tell you why.  Four of my closest friends and I split a ticket.  $2 each.  At one point, we all believed that we were going to win.  That high was worth $2.  We legit thought we had it in the bag.  We were all pumped up.  For about six hours we all thought, “this is going to fuckin happen, we’re gonna be fuckin millionaires tonight.  These are our last hours as PEASANTS.  WHY NOT US!?”  Someone has to win, so we kept asking ourselves, “WHY NOT US?!?!”  We also talked about what we would do if we won a BILLION DOLLARS. Here’s a couple of the best PG-rated texts:

Person A:  What are we doing tonight if we win?

Person B:  I’m flying out.

Person C: We’ll meet in Miami.

Person D:  We going straight to Ibiza gonna drop like 25K easy, real quick.

Person B:  I would become the younger, taller Dan Bilzerian.

Person C: Do you remember when I was pumped to get a job at ______.  We were in the BMW on the way to Westwood or Northridge.  I was hype as fuck for like 11 bucks an hour.  Crazy.

Person D:  I just saw Sinbad at the airport, we are definitely winning.

Person A:  What chicks DM you sliding in after we win?

Person B:  You want my top 3 or top 5?

Person B: 

1. Sofia Jamora

2.  Kara Jewell

3. Katya Elise Henry

4. Summer Ray

5. Helen Owen

6. Kendall Jenner

No particular order.

Person B:  I did the math and it’s like 180-190 million each.

Person A:  See, you’re thinking about it!

Person B:  I know fuck lol.

Person C:  Same odds of getting your dick bitten off by a shark in a lake.

Person E:  WHY NOT US?!

Person A:  What’s your first purchase?

Person C: Flights.

Person E:  Yeah, flight then I’m buying some toys on the way back home.

Person B: Four-day trip to Ibiza.  First class.

Person E: Actually fuck it, I’m never going back home.  4 days?!?! How about 14?

Person B:  I go hard enough, 4 days is plenty.

Person C:  It’s why the lottery exists, it’s a scam.

Person A:  Don’t bring that negative energy to the ping pong balls.

Person C:  Yo, don’t blame me. I have bad luck and you know this.  I couldn’t even win a three-man lottery for first pick in fantasy football this year.

Person E:  Fuck, that’s the best thing going for us. 28 years of bad luck.

Person C:  Saved it up for one moment.

Person E: Yo if we win, we’re not telling anybody.  We’ll just bounce and live the good life for two weeks, then maybe start telling people.  I get so excited thinking about winning.

Person A:  WHY NOT US!?

Person C:  Ey we gotta make sure no one goes off the rails once we win.

Person E:  Fuck dude, let’s fuckin win.

Person C: I literally can’t focus at work.

E: Speak it into existence.

Person C: Yo everyone chill, I was so worked up and I finally just relaxed.  I almost walked out of work; I was legit pregame hype.

You’re telling me you read that and didn’t think, oh these m-fers are going to win tonight.  We seriously thought we had it in the bag.  We thought it was our lottery.  Don’t even draw the balls.  Draw five ping pong balls with our faces printed on them.  That’s how confident I felt going into the draw last night.

We didn’t win (smh – still pissed), but for half a day we got to think like MILLIONAIRES.  Honestly, just thinking about the chance of becoming millionaires was worth the game ticket.  Pay $2 and you get to DREAM BIG and you have a CHANCE at a billion dollars.  What a fuckin deal.  Only in America- I love this country.  And guess what else? You can bet your ass I will be playing the lottery for the rest of life.  And you should too. It only takes ONE time.  Six stupid ping pongs balls can change your life forever.  Seriously,  WHY NOT US?!?!?!

PS:  I also don’t know why my friends are so addicted to the idea of Ibiza.  We would all be dead after day two.

Here are my picks for Week 8:

Eagles vs Jaguars (+3)

Blake Bortles in London.  You know what that means- it’s time to believe in Blake and the Jaguars.  LONDON BORTLES IS ABOUT TO GO OFF.

Bortles last 3 seasons in London:

W-L: 3-0

Team PPG: 36.0

TD-INT: 8-1

I can’t believe I’m doing this, but I am going with London Bortles and the Jags!!!!  How can you pick against him?  Does he become the best QB in the league if the Jaguars move to London?  Stay woke on UK Bortles.

Ravens vs Panthers (+2)

Joe Flacco buying a mattress from Sean Payton’s brother is an all-time head scratcher.  The Panthers are coming off a great win vs the Eagles, and the Ravens are coming off a tough loss vs the Saints.  I’m taking the Panthers at home.  Always take the home dog.

Broncos vs Chiefs (-10)

The Chiefs are 7-0 ATS this season, and the Broncos stink.  This line should be closer to 14.  I STILL can’t believe the Broncos paid Case Keenum $36 million.  I’m rolling with Andy Reid even though he fucked me last week.  It was such a classic Andy Reid move that I can’t even be mad about it.

Browns (+8) vs Steelers


How many games does Coach Hue have left in him?  I used to hate on Hue Jackson, but I’m in love with the guy.  I honestly feel bad that I put money on him to be the first NFL coach fired; I don’t even want the money if I win.  He is my favorite coach right now to be honest.  It’s going to be a sad day for Cleveland when he gets fired, almost as sad as the day Lebron left.  It breaks my heart to think about it.  AND FOR THAT REASON I’M TAKING HUEY AND THE BROWNS THIS WEEKEND vs the Steelers.  I know the Steelers are coming off a bye week, but I believe in Hue!  His job is on the line and his players know it!  I hope he gets so fired up that he rips the play calling duties from Hayley in the second quarter of the game.  We deserve one more Huey moment before he’s forced out of town.  I know someone brought this up, but why couldn’t Hard Knocks follow the Browns for the entire season?

Close your eyes and imagine this scene: John Dorsey walks into Hue’s office wearing his classic outfit with the Browns’ dog trailing right behind him.  Dorsey fires Hue on the spot, and they both start crying.  Dorsey hugs Hue and says, “I’m sorry man, I love you.  I’m here for you no matter what.”  The cameras go black then cut to Hue leaving the office with Anna Kendrick (*”Cups- When I’m Gone” playing in the background.*)

I’ve got my ticket for the long way round.  Two bottle whiskey for the way and I sure would like some sweet company and I’m leaving tomorrow what’d you say?  When I’m gone, when I’m gone you’re gonna miss me when I’m gone you’re gonna miss me by my hair you’re gonna miss me everywhere oh you’re gonna miss me when I’m gone.


Seahawks (+3) vs Lions

wilson tate.png

Lions wins this season:  Patriots, Packers, and Dolphins.

Lions losses this season:  Jets, Cowboys, and 49ers.

I’ve never been so confused in my life.  I don’t like to bet against Russell Wilson so I’m taking the points here.  The real story-line of this game is Russell Wilson vs Golden Tate.  Don’t forget that Russell Wilson’s ex-wife cheated on him with Golden Tate.  Talk about the ultimate revenge game!

Buccaneers (+4.5) vs Bengals

The Bengals are my “fake good team” for this season.  People keep hyping this Bengals team, but we see this from them every year.  They got murdered on Sunday night by the Chiefs.  This has “classic upset trap game” written all over it.  Coming off an embarrassing loss sandwiched between a big game vs the Saints next weekend-  classic trap game recipe.  Tastes like an upset.  WHAT DOES A W TASTE LIKE JAMEIS?!?!?!?!

jameis w.jpg

Jets (+7) vs Bears

I will never bet on Mitchell Trubisky ever again.  I have learned my lesson.  That is a promise to myself and that is a promise to you, America.  Let’s get #Trubiskytrap trending.  Let’s make it real a thing.  I will never bet on the Bears as long as Trubisky is their QB.  Trubisky -7?!?!  I have ZERO faith.

Redskins (-1)  vs Giants

The Giants are GARBAGE.  They’re obviously in full tank mode.  I can’t believe some people thought this team was going to go .500 this year.  That was the easiest $100 bet of my life.  Thank you Mike Chere.

Colts (-3) vs Raiders

COLTS – 3 LOCK IT UP AND THROW AWAY THE KEYS.  THE RAIDERS’ PLAYERS ARE GOING TO THROW THIS GAME!  I guarantee you.  The locker room hates Derek Carr because he cried last weekend.  They also hate Jon Gruden.  Why wouldn’t the Raiders’ players throw this game to make a statement?  It makes too much sense.

49ers vs Cardinals (+1)

Serious question:  would you go to this game if someone offered you free tickets?  I don’t think I would.  I swear to God these teams just played two weeks ago… I just checked and they played three weeks ago.  WINNER of this game gets the first pick in next year’s draft?  Now that would be fun.  Deal?  Deal.

Packers vs Rams (-9.5)

The Packers stink.  They STINK.  I know, I read all about it.  I read the “Packers vs Rams Spread Features Aaron Rodgers’ Biggest Underdog Odds of Career” headlines, but I don’t give a fooooook.  Donald, Suh, and Brockers are going to destroy Rodgers this weekend.  I can’t wait for this game.  I’ve been looking forward to this game all season.  I already have a W next to this game on the Rams’ schedule posted at my desk.  Rams 40-10. It’s going to get UGLY…..

Saints vs Vikings


What a treat on Sunday night before Halloween.  We’re going to have to set up two TVs in the living room this weekend because I need to watch this game and Game 5 of the World Series.  People are acting like the World Series is over.  Give me a break, I’m not scared of this Boston team at all.  They got lucky in Game 1.  They caught every break that game.  Fuckin Joe Buck comparing them to the Warriors last night was classic Joe Buck.  Get the fuck out of here.  I was terrified of the Astros last year but c’mon, you want me to be scared of this Sox team?  I have never felt more confident about a series.  Dodgers in 7.

Back to football. Everyone remembers last year’s game.  Everyone remembers last year’s play.  I also remember Saints fans feeling sorry for Marcus Williams after he missed that tackle on Diggs. I don’t care if he’s a rookie, that’s what he gets paid to do.  You cannot miss a tackle like that in the playoffs.  There were no excuses for that play- he fucked up.  The Vikings are rolling right now and that stadium is going to be rocking on Sunday night.  I’m honestly surprised that this is a pick em.  Feels like it should be closer to Vikings -3.

Patriots (-14) vs Bills

I don’t care if it’s Derek Anderson or Nate Pederman this weekend.  I honestly feel disrespected by the NFL.  How dare they put a game like this on Monday Night Football.  How dare they waste a Monday Night game for this.  They should have at least scheduled the Rams vs Packers game for Monday night.  It would have been amazing to embarrass Aaron Rodgers on national television. Who thought this was going to be a good game when they made the schedule?  Seriously, who the fuck did this??  I am on a man hunt to find this person.  No one gives a crap about the Bills and Bills Mafia.  Bills Mafia was funny for about two days.

I have to bring up something from last Monday’s game.  Jason Witten is awful.  He literally said Cole Beasely stretches the field for the Cowboys.  Am I missing something?  What the hell is he talking about???

CBB Cinderella Watch


Blue bloods will headline the 2019 college basketball season. However, we all know the main source of excitement and heartache in March will come from random schools beating these powerhouses.

Keep an eye on these mid-majors in the tournament this year.

  1. Buffalo- Coming off an impressive campaign in 2018 the Bison return 5 of their 6 leading scorers from last year. They wrecked the Arizona Wildcats in the NCAA tournament and could be poised for an even deeper run this year. C.J. Massinburg is a stud and their frenetic style of play will continue to wreak havoc on opponents.
  2. Illinois State- This team features a great coach in Dan Mullen and an impressive lead forward in Milik Yarbrough. A senior, Mailik, had an impressive junior campaign averaging 17 points, 7 rebounds and 5 assists a game. The Redbirds boast an experienced roster that will compete with Loyola-Chicago and Sister Jean for the MVC title.
  3. South Dakota State- Jackrabbits should have an electric offense led by Mike Daum. If you didn’t see him last year this dude can hoop. Averaging 21.5 points and lighting it up from deep making nearly 43% from 3. Look for the Jackrabbits with a better roster and Daum with the greenest light to average over 25 points a night.
  4. Western Kentucky- The Hilltoppers have potential to make some noise in the tournament this year. 5 Star stud freshman Charles Bassey headlines a talented young core. A good litmus test for this team will be an early November match-up against a good PAC12 team in Washington.
  5. Marshall- The combo of C.J. Burks and Jon Elmore should strike fear in not only conference USA opponents but all of NCAA. An early season clash with Maryland should give insight on their potential. Not even favored in their own conference, this team has a  back-court that will come in handy come NCAA tournament time.

The Voters Have Spoken

With the AP Poll coming out with their official rankings for college basketball before the season starts you might be asking yourself if they got it right? To that I answer your question with another question, does a fat baby fart? The layperson who keeps up with college basketball their first thought is that a Duke or Kentucky should be ranked number one coming into the season and finding out that they aren’t would obviously be some sort of mistake. The truth is going into this season the Jayhawks of Lawrence Kansas are the top team in the nation and they are in this position for good reason.

Like most years Kansas is coming into the season with an outstanding recruiting class, Quentin Grimes and Devon Dotson are two of the bigger names that most are excited to see take the court in Phog Allen this year. And while the Kentuckys and Dukes of the country can boast star studded freshman classes as well one area where they have come up short the past ten years or so is in their veteran upperclassman presence. Kansas has repeatedly had experienced players that play major roles that have the conference and tournament experience that helps give them an edge in some of the bigger stage games. This season the biggest of those returners are LaGerald Vick, Mitch Lightfoot and Udoka Azubuike. The biggest factor in this duo is without question going to be Azubuike, the 7 footer is without question the most dominant big man in the Big 12 and possibly the country. Staying healthy has been a concern in the previous two years but when he is on the floor. With a 75% field goal percentage (that took place entirely in the paint) Azubuike was close to averaging a double double in points and rebounds. His size and improvement in his feetwork on the low block has allowed for him to turn most matchups in the post to “Barbecue Chicken” as Dr. O’Neal has so eloquently described it. Coach Bill Self has also been able to land some PAC-12 talent as Charlie Moore, a double digit scorer formerly at Cal will join the roster this year as well.

Kansas for the most part ran the tables in the first place voting receiving 37 first place votes to Kentucky’s 19 and while the rosters play a role in that so does the staff that is at the front of the bench. Coach Self not only has the championships and Final Fours to support his resume, he also has been a part of a level of dominance that is rivaled only by that of the Roman Empire. For 14 straight seasons Kansas has been the Big 12 regular season champions and while some might try to “poo poo” this achievement this was done in the conference that put him up against Blake Griffin, Kevin Durant, LaMarcus Aldridge and Michael Beasley just to name a few. Coach Self has proven that he has the ability to garner the proper mix of veteran players along with younger talent to fit into his system that plays a grit & grind style of basketball that can only be found in the Big 12 and Charlottesville Virginia with Tony Bennett.

The Jayhawks have an interesting non-conference schedule this year so they will put their ranking and experience to the test very early on this year. On top of that the Big 12 won’t be a pushover either as several teams in the conference are in the top 25 and returning key players. Don’t be surprised though when we see that Kansas hasn’t dropped out of the top ten all year and is a lock for a one seed come late April. The reason being Coach Self has the one piece that he has always needed in order to have a successful season which is a dominant big man. Look back on any of his more successful years and you will see there was an outstanding big man on the block. Azubuike fits that description ten times over and he has the surrounding pieces to make this team a juggernaut on both ends of the floor. If you follow any obnoxious Kansas fans on social media you might want to get a head start and block them now because the Rock Chalk Mafia will be out and about flexing their muscles this year.


AP Poll Top 25

  1. Kansas
  2. Kentucky
  3. Gonzaga
  4. Duke
  5. Virginia
  6. Tennessee
  7. Nevada
  8. North Carolina
  9. Villanova
  10. Michigan State
  11. Auburn
  12. Kansas State
  13. West Virginia
  14. Orgegon
  15. Virginia Tech
  16. Syracuse
  17. Florida State
  18. Mississippi State
  19. Michigan
  20. TCU
  21. UCLA
  22. Clemson
  23. LSU
  24. Purdue
  25. Washington

Three Contract-Year Players from the 2015 NBA Draft That Have the Most Money on the Line this Season

It’s officially contract year for the class of 2015.  Time for your close up.  Players can forget about everything that happened in the past three years- the spotlight is on you this year.  Show up and perform at a high level in your contract year?  Let’s get you that brand new Bentley you dreamed of.  Get injured or disappoint?  Kiss your money goodbye.  Just look at what happened to Isaiah Thomas this past summer.  He went from “bring the Brink truck” to signing the Veteran’s minimum deal.

Let’s take a look at three players from the 2015 class that literally have millions of dollars on the line this year.

Terry Rozier

Dallas Mavericks v Boston Celtics

Roziers playoff battle vs Eric Bledsoe was the most entertaining storyline of the first round last year.  Quick recap for those that didn’t follow:  Rozier “accidentally” called Eric Bledsoe “Drew Bledsoe” in a post-game conference when asked about Eric Bledsoe.  Yes, Drew Bledsoe, the former quarterback of the New England Patriots.  Drew Eric Bledsoe didn’t find it funny, and when asked about Roziers play in Game 1 the next day, he responded, “Who?  I don’t even know who the fuck that is.”  Rozier and the Celtics eventually took care of Bledsoe and the Bucks, but the petty war wasn’t over.  Rozier decided to show up to Game 1 of the Celtics second round playoff matchup against the 76ers rocking a Drew Bledsoe jersey.  What a fuckin troll.


Oh the pettiness. You have to love the NBA.  Guess what?  That’s not even the BEST part of this beef.  The funniest part is that Jalen Rose compared Rozier to Eric Bledsoe at the 2015 NBA Draft!!!!  Are you not entertained?!?!?!

After Irving’s season ended last year, Rozier stepped into Kyrie’s shoes (literally) and emerged as a more than reliable starting point guard for the Celtics.  Prior to Irving’s injury, the third-year guard was averaging an impressive 11.3 points, 4.7 rebounds, and 2.8 assists in 25.8 minutes.  Post-Kyrie injury, his numbers increased significantly to 15.2 points, 6 rebounds, and 4.9 assists in 32 minutes without Irving.  In the playoffs Rozier averaged 16.5 points a game, 5.7 assists, and 5.3 rebounds per game (WHOA!).    Rozier finished 19th in RPM wins last year for all point guards, finishing just a shade under Kyrie and higher than All-Stars Goran Dragic and John Wall.  The Celtics were also +21 with Rozier on the floor in the playoffs- the third best, only trailing Horford and Tatum.

Does Rozier deserve more playing time?  Probably,  but he’s not going to get the minutes he thinks he deserves on this loaded Celtics team.  Scary Terry (awesome nickname by the way) showed that he’s capable of handling the ball and running the offense for the Celtics last year.  Unfortunately, his opportunities will significantly decrease with the return of Irving and Hayward.  It’s hard to see Rozier having the same impact on the offensive end for the Celtics this year.  The Celtics will likely have two of either Irving, Hayward, Tatum, or Horford on the floor at all times and they will serve as the primary ball handlers/playmakers.  Rozier will have his spots, but he’ll have to take full advantage of those moments to maximize his value.  Rozier was an effective (44.9%) catch-and-shoot shooter from 3-point range in the playoffs so he can be an effective player for the Celtics even without the ball in his hands.

The Celtics will be in a tricky spot this summer with Rozier, especially after the extension of Marcus Smart last year.  The Celtics would obviously like to keep Rozier, but its unlikely they’ll be able to match the offers Rozier will field next summer.  Will Rozier have the opportunity this year to further prove that he can be a starting point guard in the league?  Probably not, but last year’s performance was enough for teams to offer Rozier a long-term contract next summer (hello Phoenix!!!!!!).  For Rozier, the most important thing is to stay healthy heading into free agency.  By the way, Terry Rozier is my starting PG on my All Dark Alley NBA team.

D’Angelo Russell


Coming out of the draft, Russell was over-hyped as the next Manu Giobli/James Harden, but those comparisons tapered quickly.  Remember this?  I can’t believe Kobe agreed to this.  This might be worse than the “this is going to be fun” Dwight Howard/Steve Nash cover.


I have to admit, Russell was handed an unfair deck during his time in Lakerland, most of which he brought upon himself.  The Snapchat debacle was an absolute train wreck.  We’ll never know what he was thinking, but he was never able to recover from that.  Guess what else?  If you think about it, Iggy Azalea is responsible for PG not signing with the Lakers (George and Russell share the same agent).  There were always concerns about his immaturity and Snapgate was the tipping point for the Lakers.

In his first move as president, Magic Johnson used  D’angelo Russell to get rid of Timofey Mozgov’s contract.  When asked about the Russell trade, Magic didn’t hold back either.  “D’Angelo is an excellent player, he has the talent to be an All-Star. We want to thank him for what he did for us. But what I needed was a leader. I needed somebody also that can make the other players better and also [somebody] that players want to play with.”  Geez, that’s probably something you don’t want to hear from the greatest point guard of all time.  Unfortunately for Russell,  Johnson wasn’t the only Laker to bash Russell.  Lakers former coach, Byron Scott, consistently spoke negatively about the young player.  Things this past summer didn’t get much better for him either.  He saw two of his best friends, KAT and Booker, get maxed by their respective teams.

Russell is a gifted scorer and he has the size/stroke to become an impact player in the league.  He’s demonstrated the ability to average 20 PPG in the league.  For a young point guard, he takes care of the basketball and he’s effective in the pick n roll.  Unfortunately for Russell, his lack of explosiveness makes it difficult for him to get to the rim and finish.  He also struggles often times on the defensive end, but that’s mainly due to his lack of effort.

By year three we usually know if a player has the POTENTIAL to become a special player.  Russell hasn’t showed us much, but I’m not ready to label him off yet.  What’s Russell’s ceiling?  Best case scenario, can he be the second best player on a championship team?  Ehhhhh maybe, but probably not. Or is he going to be a “bad team, good stats” guy his entire career?  It sure feels like he’s headed down that road, doesn’t it?  But guess what?  You can make the All Star team that way- just look at Stephon Marbury!  With Kenny Atkinson at the helm, Russell will all have the tools, resources, and opportunities to blossom and prove he can become a valuable piece for the Nets.

In year four, can D’Angelo show that he’s matured on and off the court?  Can he demonstrate the leadership ability at the point guard position that the Nets desperately need?  Can he stay healthy (he’s missed over 50 games the past two years)?  Is D’Angelo someone we will look back on in fifteen years and ask, “why wasn’t be better?” There’s so many questions, but he’s only 22 years old.  Unfortunately for the Nets, they’ll have to make a decision by next summer.  Time is ticking……

Kelly Oubre Jr.


Kelly Oubre aka “Wave Papi” is entering the final year of his rookie contract.  “That’s my alter ego,” Oubre explained.  “Wave Papi is all about good vibes.  He’s about staying cool, calm, and collected.”  Doesn’t that sound like something you would hear come out of Swaggy P’s mouth?  Oubre has made a bigger name for himself through social media vs on court performance which is never a good sign.  UPDATE – Oubre just evolved into TSUNAMI PAPI.  Oh no Kelly, what are you doing?

The 6’8” small forward averaged 12 points and 4 rebounds for the Wizards in 28 minutes last year.  Oubre playing 28 minutes a night tells you all that you need to know about the Wizards roster.  Tsunami Papi has improved in each of his first three years in the league, but he hasn’t developed into the valuable 3 and D player the Wizards were hoping for when they selected him with the 15th overall pick in the 2015 NBA Draft.

This past summer, Oubre worked with Drew Hanlen who has become a go-to trainer for NBA players.  Oubre knows what is at stake this year.  His next contract can help him evolve into Megatsunami Papi or dry him up like Southern California.  To maximize his value, he’ll have to prove to teams he can defend and hit three pointers at a consistent rate.  Oubre will be counted on as one of the Wizards’ go-to players off the bench.  Whether he can answer or not will be the question.  If Oubre can stay consistent  this year, he’s looking at a nice pay raise this upcoming summer from a team in need of a 3 and D player.